New Covid Wave, another time

Hey yooo, new update. Guess what, CMCO started again and we became an unwanted children againnnn.

I am currently finishing up my second posting in O&G in Hospital Shah Alam. The dream team of Mark, me , ain and ezzlyn have broken up so sad. However, the good thing now probably would be the abundance of PMC ppl in HSAS. Currently in O&G, I have Fatin Faizul with meee haha. She was definitely a great help to my early life in HSAS. Also, Wei Jin also helped make me feel much more comfortable there. I am already three months into O&G as I went to HSAS so I went there being a senior in O&G already, its kinda weird. I know the stuff from O&G but the system cracked my brain up. Especially like who was in charge of what. It started off really frustrating cause it seemed like a lot of work. The way they arranged the jobs was a bit questionable. Some were better than in HSB but it definitely needed getting used to.

Don't know if it's the new environment or not, the dread to go to work is even stronger now. It's shitttt. I would be even dreading like the day before work. Probably cause of the workload as well and it's getting a lot to handle cause of the Sungai Buloh cases piling on as well. Getting used to the system is taking a bit out of me as well. Not to mention some of the housemen here that are awfully malignant. Even for a first poster. Like seriously, cut it back a bit. No one is a fantastic houseman in their first month. The fact that people have the balls to ask how to do anything means they wanna learn. So it really isn't that hard to ask right? Pipe it down. I just kept telling myself its only 3 more weeks. Will be done in exactly 18 days (when I'm typing this lol). Don't know if I actually want it to end faster or not. Starting a new rotation comes with new challenges, and oh god the tagging. THE TAGGING. Those ungodly hours again. Don't know where I'm heading to next tho. Hmmm... Probably going to be medical based again since I'm already done with a surgical posting. Which pretty much means I'm going to be in medical next. We shall see. Will apply for my EOP leaves soon tho. Was initially planning to get a trip up to Penang again, but with the CMCO again right now, don't think that will actually happen at all.

Next, let's talk about this CMCO. It is honestly a big ass joke. Work from home is pretty much mandatory. Fine I get that. We get to dine in which is good and good for business all around. What I don't get is we can't watch movies in cinemas yet malls remain open. People still go to the malls and if you are really putting a CMCO in effect, and the mall cluster is the biggest in Selangor, why do u even bother to keep the CMCO on? Cinemas are dying, people are losing their jobs, cases are still on the rise, politicians still be fighting over power at these times. honestly this CMCO is going nowhere in my opinion and is making everyone's lives hard, other than the politicians, who are still enjoying life from all the meetups and dinners and shit. It's so disheartening to see people getting retrenched left right and centre. So either u go for a complete lockdown again, or suffer economic burnout for dragging out this CMCO. Unpopular opinion, open up CMCO and get life to continue as usual. That way everyone gets primary immunity, while u make sure the susceptible population stay home and protected, in a way. Sounds good on paper but will probably involve alot of deaths lol. I mean, better than dragging this shit out and looking at Sabah collapsing is just, sad. It's real sad. 

In other news, Abigail and I talked recently again after like a month of not talking? Partially cause she is happily with someone else now and I don't wanna stir shit up by being that ex who constantly keeps in touch with their ex. Just causes alot of unnecessary drama especially for some people who aren't keen on exes being friends. It's honestly been a year plus of being single now and can't lie that I don't look back at the past 4-5 years. Housemanship has been tough as u can read from my blog posts. Thought it would be ok for me since I considered myself a happy go lucky person, but I guess it's finally taking a toll on me in a way. I do have moments that I dread going to work, even if this is only my second posting and I tend to do OK in the hospital? I can't even explain why exactly I feel that way, probably cause of the fear of MOs berrating at me, I dunno. The workload in Shah Alam is no joke as well due to the increased patient visits so that's hard. Back to the relationship part, people keep asking me do I not see anyone that interests me in the hospital? Back in Sungai Buloh probably 1 or 2, but they are unavailable or can't due to complex religious issues (which I really don't want to revisit). So, short answer would be no, no one, Plus, probably not alot of people's cup of tea. I'm literally a stick right now, being like 55kg, lost about 5kg since HO started, no thanks to the amazing meal times I have (oh wait they pretty much don't exist).  Also, probably another reason is the fact that I'm probably immature in alot of people's eyes. I'm the guy who skips down the hallway flinging my arms here and there like I don't care about anything in the world, which is partially true cause I don't actually care what other people think of me that much, which serves as a double edged sword. So until someone really likes me, I'll probably be single for a while. Can't say its nice cause over the course of HOship, was hoping that I have someone close to rant to, to just hang out and forget about the hospital for a bit. Don't know if its the MCO or what, but that's even hard to come by, just like a good ol hug ya know.

More on the part where I tend to look back at past memories. Probably people who really know me know that I'm a person that likes to hold on to memories. I still have a box specifically for Abby and I's relationship with all the tickets, the souvenirs and stuff all in it. That's the problem. I think I live too much in the past. I think about the trips we go to in Singapore eating food, the places that I brought her to eat here in Malaysia, even while jogging I think about that 10km Mo Run in Dublin. It's bad for me. It honestly is because I'll be the person longing for things to go back to then while everyone else has moved on. I still have picture of JY and me stored up in another box, but she is already happy with her current bf as well. Everyone moved on and I'm the dumbass holding on to those moments and not letting go. I think the problem would be me cherishing those moments a bit too much, that I constantly like relive those moments while doing anything that is similar to those moments. Really need to start looking forward. I watch so many Singaporean Youtubers as well like NOC Food Kings, our grandfather story, Eatbook etc. It gets hard cause I start wondering when can I go to Singpoare again. Now, there just isn't any reason to anymore and its hard. I am unsure that I miss the city or miss the relationship, Anyhow, Abigail has moved on, JY has moved on (not that we ever started even lol). It really is time for me to move on.

So hopefully I end on a good note here in Hospital Shah Alam. It is a nice place but just needs getting used to their systems again. Will update when I'm feeling more pensieve again. Till then, take care, don't get Covid. Love y'all. :)

As usual I try to end with some photos now so, here goes! :DD Last few days in O&G HSB :)

With probably my favourite shift of nurses in HSB LR, feat the all helpful and wonderful Kak Mutiara!!!

The O&G original housemen (post-Covid 1st wave hehe) with our completed logbooks!!

The original UM peeps all postcall hehe miss u peeps!

With Dr. Ainaa and Dr. Ain who helped my logbook so much ahaha

Suraya, miss first poster that we have became quite good friends :)

Final oncall shift people!!

Last photo of us trying to at least social distance HAHAHA

That's all folks. See ya next time :)

Back to Sungai Buloh we go!

3rd post of the year and 3 months from the previous post. Compared to last year, this is a MAJOR improvement I would say. (pat myself at the back).

Continuing on from my previous post, where I was innocently 2 weeks into my housemanship. In the end, I settled down in ward 7PA, which was basically a neonate and gastro ward. I learned quite a lot from there regarding neonatal care and some gastro cases (eg: HSP which was fun and annoying to deal with as well). Had amazing MOs as well like Dr Chiang, Dr Claudia, Dr Daniel and later added a Dr Rhinaa. All of them were really helpful and was honestly quite fun to work with. Dr Claudia and I never actually bonded as well as with the other MOs guess she just didn't think too much about me huh HAHA is fineee. Worked with Shanna and Nadiah from my batch in there. Most housemen that I worked with were more than helpful and an absolute joy to work with. Sure there were the occasional ones that I'm just like not super keen to work with, but luckily my night shift mates have been nothing but excellent. I had the pleasure to work with Yee Theng, Navenia, Cassandra, just to name a few. 7PA gave me loads of exposure to deal with neonates and gastro patients. Although sticking a cannula into a baby is still hard ass work. Really hard to stick that thing properly. urgh.

After that, I moved on back to 8PB as my second ward placement. I got 2 general wards for my paeds posting which tbh wasn't ideal. I kinda was hoping to get PICU for 2 reasons. Simply because it would be nice to learn how to work in an ICU setting as a houseman, to see how differently things worked, and also because there just isn't that many PICUs in Malaysia and I had the opportunity to work in a hospital with one. Oh well, but things worked out anyway. Sure 8PB wasn't what it was cause there was a shuffling of MOs and specialists. I still kinda enjoyed my time there. My laptop did die like 3 minutes after a MO used it. The hard drive just straight up got fried. Literally spent an entire day just trying to fix it in the ward lol. In the end, had to spend 2 weeks laptop-less and finally got a new MSI GF65 Thin for myself. 2nd new laptop in my life ever. Now my plan is to get a new hard drive and load that with windows and shove it into the Asus G56JR and probably let my mum use it or something, It is kinda busted in a way where the battery life just kinda dies shortly after u plug out. No idea why till today. Went to the shop and he told me there is no use fixing the battery OR the casing (which is faulty cuz it causes the bottom lid to pop up when u open the top lid LUL), cause it is memang a known problem with that model. So, still scouting around for hard drive + windows. Probably just getting a SSD and copy my windows from this laptop over to that laptop I guess. Was planning to get a super light one that fulfils my gaming needs, hence this MSI GF65, BUT, not long after I got this laptop, the letter from KKM came. Its time for us to head back to reality, to where we were supposed to call home, Hospital Sungai Buloh.

After being in Sungai Buloh for a month now, there are definitely a few things I miss from PPUM. First of all is definitely the fully automated system. How nice it was to walk around and key in notes during rounds straight away. Sungai Buloh has this makeshift system where it is a "computerized system" but its really not effective AT ALL.  You have to follow rounds, write shit on a piece of paper and then transfer later into the system. Unlike everything in UM which is pretty much in the system already, you have to double-check as to what is in the file and what is in the system. Then, during rounds, some MOs don't allow you to print out the cases. So is either u get here like 3 hours early and manage to review and memorize/note down EVERY SINGLE DETAIL about the patient into few pieces of paper, OR u can just print out the latest review I GUESS. Some MOs want to print a review and put it in the file as well, which gets u thinking what's the point then if ur just gonna print it out to read it. It's like everything is super redundant. I know we can't be like UM where everyone gets to bring laptop on wheels, (cause Sg Buloh uses intranet instead of an internet pfftt). That is honestly the main problem. And like there are way less HOs to cover a certain ward. Like on calls I have to deal with 2 wards. Why? Why can't it be one per ward? I know, lacking HO, which really freaking sucks. It does. 

I honestly could complain on and on about my life right now because I'm not exactly in a very happy and healthy state right now. Just constantly like moping around all the time, but honestly during my off day on my birthday, I just had to tell myself I really need to pick myself up and slug through this. I'm only 5-6 months into my housemanship, and with so many postings to go (which is all going to get way worse). It's hard tho. It's hard trying to convince urself ur doing fine, where everyday u go to work, it's like constant fear of MOs finding fault within ur work. It's not even that, you open WhatsApp and the creeping feeling of shittiness comes back when the MOs start blasting on the group. Even some on mistakes that are clearly not capable of being made by a HO. It's like the first instinct for everything is always HO first. It gets tiring really fast. Maybe cause it's basically my first rotation in HSB, where things are a bit different from UM. The culture is definitely different. Well after speaking to my seniors about it, it pretty much is just part of life and sooner or later I will get used to this. It is kind of sad that things have resulted to this sort of manner. Before actually starting HO, you hear stories about this and how you think you would be able to shake it off no problem. Then it happens to you and you just feel like shit. Like literal shit. At least for me. Bouncing back once is no problem, and then it gets tougher and tougher as you start to build a mental blockade against yourself. Not good. So all in all, really need to learn to not get beat down from mistakes.

"Okay, at this point this post has actually been delayed for far far too long. I think I started typing this in July? and its already mid September. Believe it or not. I'm that unproductive when I get home. Yes. HAHA"

So today marks the 2 months that I've been in this rotation and only 1 more month till I have to pass up my logbook. Looking at my logbook, feels like I'm fucked. Not a single CME or case presentations done. Feels so different when you are actually doing a proper manual logbook, unlike UM's e-logbooks. You don't have to face the MOs who are giving you their signature of approval. It's so annoying like. Yeah, I have a few MOs that I feel are ok at giving me their signatures without too much of a fuss, but filling in the registration numbers are hard as well. Oh well, hopefully things improve in the next week and I get more things done. Hopefully. 

Things have been ok so far in UM. I had a chance to go do an EMLSCS with my mentor who is Dr. Shairah and honestly it was eye-opening at the speed of which the Caesar was done. In and out in 30 minutes boom. Granted that there was an episode of failed spinal in which the whole thing was delayed for a good 20 minutes and plus it was a case of "foetal distress" (which honestly half the time it doesn't feel like a "foetal distress". So that was nice. She is honestly one of the most knowledgable and helpful drs that I know out there. It's very nice when I get to work with her. Although with that being said I really do have to up my knowledge game a bit. Yeah, I do know about the basics of things but not the whole bunch of it. When they start asking about specifics I'm always feeling stunted lol like what am I supposed to answer haha. TBH I don't really have a great source to read from too. Back in PMC, I relied on 2 books, the Malaysian guidelines for O&G and also Hwee's. I still have Hwee's but I don't have the Malaysian Guidelines anymore and tbh some of it I can only find in there like Rh negative mother sensitizing events kinda thing. Hopefully I can find the CPG hmm or maybe just list of topics so that I can read online. One more problem is Gynae problems. They are like stuff that I hardly encounter. I took care of EPAU the other day then at least only I have like some idea of stuff. If not die lo I tell you. PV bleed here PV bleed there. Definitions also another one. some AUB la some HMB la, intermenstrual bleed la. LOL forgot all d xD

Anyway, now that is left to do is buckle up and finish what I started. As I'm writing this Covid cases are back on the rise so I'm seriously hoping there will be no PKP2.0 where we will be shipped out again. I don't think I can deal with this.

Also, to wrap it up, just came back from a gathering with the choir peeps after so long and finally seeing Zhi Jie after that boy has been away for so long. It felt really good to go see them post night shift summore. Can't lie that feel like I needed that quite badly. Was getting tad bit depressed from working. Meeting shitty people in the hospital can just be so 🙄🙄🙄 Just felt so nice to spend a whole night hanging out with them peeps and catching up. Walking around with lanterns as well like we are a bunch of primary school kids hahaha classic xD Love you guys to the moon and back.

That's probably it for now. Hopefully everything goes well and up from here. Need to toughen myself up mentally and just try and go on from here. Update here soon I guess. 😜

Lovely people lovely night ❤️

Birthday gift from da jie hehehe thanks ❤️

Birthday dinner as well ❤️

Week 2 of housemanship (adding some photos again cause its fresher that way :D)

Hello non-existent people who still bother to look out for this blog! It's been two months since the last update hehe I'll see how much can I actually fit into here.

So general update, I have started my housemanship now and it's been 2 weeks now. Let's recap the whole journey then from february where I was still working in Circuit Communications. Went back to work there from January just to help out for some stuff. I was working and just got to writing some articles for doctor on call, and suddenly, THE EMAIL CAME! Ok, the email was basically telling us when the eho fight will be, the next day which is a Tuesday 18th Feb. Yes. KKM was so amazing that they gave out the email ONE DAY before eHO opens. Just amazing. Good thing I already caught wind of the proposed date (which was originally Wednesday 19th Feb lul) and told Angela that my last day working was Monday. Honestly, that Monday night I still didn't have a clue on where I wanted to go. There were so many choices in my head. Do I want to go through with my Sabah plan? Do I want to be near home instead, seeing as KKM isn't exactly handing out permanent MO posts on a silver plate anymore... If near home where? UM? Shah Alam? Sungai Buloh? I did consult Nelson on Hospital Sungai Buloh the night before and he did bring up some good points about it. So I started a list and watched some videos on telegram on how others did it. My final list in the end was this:

1) PPUM
2) Hospital Sungai Buloh
3) Hospital Tuanku Ja'afar, Seremban
4) Hospital Serdang (just cause I have a friend there xD)
5) Hospital Kajang (cuz i have 2 lovely seniors there)

Went on Tuesday with Michelle to SS15 at about 10am plus and had breakfast while our nerves were settling in. Met up with Syabana and Aqilah at the cyber cafe and prepped ourselves. Filled in the autofill, downloaded the extensions and just waited. The wait was very nerve breaking tbh, especially after 11:50am. At 11.58am, everyone was already spam entering their details. Then, the crashes start to slowly happen as the time creeped to 12pm. Enter, fail, enter, fail, enter, crash, next tab, repeat. Finally went in after a slight crash and refresh, and the first page filled in everything and then it had an error. THE BLOODY PHONE NUMBER. First of all, it's autofilled by the system so we didn't have to actually type it in, and the house number wasn't compulsory. The red circles was around the house number and phone number. So in the moment of panic, I filled in my house number, which STILL didn't work lol. Turns out, it was my phone number, lacking a 0 infront of the 017, so is 17 instead... LIKE WHY. but fine, filled it in, next page, A levels, 2014, next page, ALRIGHT LETS PICK!

PPUM, 4 kekosongan.

Click, Tick, Hantar. MAAF. shit.

Out, look at my list, look at the list, Hospital Sungai Buloh (22 kekosongan).

Click, Tick, Tahniah. phew.

Not really the final page but went back to snap a photo of this lul

By 12.03, most of the people were already done with their choices, the girl opposite me with BOTH her parents got her wanted hospital, HTJ seremban. Mix of sighs of relief and sighs of disappointment around the CC. Mixed feelings for everybody. Now I picked HSB knowing fully that it was a Covid centre, which is part of the attracting factor for me. Cause it's definitely something still kinda new and being there would open my eyes to how a pandemic changes the operations. Oh how did I know that Covid would change my life so much. It was a one month break between eHO and the Program Transformasi Minda so I spent the month just chilling, finishing The Witcher game, and all around prepping the documents and chop for working in Sungai Buloh. Also, had a really fun outing with Zi Ning in SS15 that lasted a good 6 hours without even realizing it hahahah. Hung out with choir gang too at Melanie's house for good lasagna (This was CNY time).

Much fun le outing hehe :D

CNY Melanie house gathering

District Flare +1 :D

Steamboat with Brendon and Mai in 1 Utama.

Fast forward 3 weeks, Covid 19 cases were slowly increasing and things were getting more serious, with talks of lockdowns, borders closing coming in, panic buying toilet papers? (don't ask me why, I still don't understand. Some say toilet papers can make makeshit masks but I still don't buy that). I got my PTM location, EDC Hotel KL and somehow the PTM got changed from the normal 5 days to a shortened 3 days (again, very last minute announcement). This PTM location was shared between Sungai Buloh, Ampang and HTAR Klang. I went with Michelle and checked in to find that I'm sharing with 2 guys ( instead of 2 per room which I've been expecting dear god). Also, this time of Covid u wanna put 3 guys who god knows went where in the past week to sleep together in a small ass room? hmmm.... sure....

So, checked in at PTM and the timetable itself was kinda bullshit LOL. Check in time was 2pm, but they decided screw this, we shall allocate till 4pm for check in. LIKE WHY. So we sat there doing nothing for 2 hours... Mun Hon and I sat together with Michelle, Syabanna, Adli, and Muzakkir. There were a few interesting talks tbh, but I was nodding off half the time (in the front row mind you). Bad room experience as well cause someone just doesn't know how to shower with the curtains closed like WUT. You go in and then the floor outside the shower looks like a tidal wave passed by =.= are you kidding me...  Then, we get fed like 5-6 times a day. The food was decent, not bad, just didn't have that much appetite really. Their cafe did have a RM6.90 promotion on their chicken chop but we didn't manage to get it due to the constant food being fed lol.

But yeah, first night of PTM, suddenly they tell us, HSB people are being transferred to PPUM. I honestly have mixed feelings in me that time cause I was kinda looking forward to go HSB already. Another news, PTM was being cut short to Tuesday night, so 2 days of  PTM only. Doctors are expected to check in at their hospitals on Thursday (19 March). Everything just got put on a fast forward train to OMG SHIT IS GETTING REAL. The government also announced on Monday night that movement control order (MCO) will begin on Wednesday (18 March) where travel between states are restricted, everyone is advised to stay at home and most workplaces are off. Things are serious now. However, all these last minute announcements really screwed me up as well. Each hospital has a list of documents they need and I needed my photocopy shop to be open. Now UM is added to my list of worries as they need ANOTHER set of documents, jeeeezzzzzz. I had to drive around to find a shop to get my photocopy machine and to print my photos it was so horrible. In the end, I printed my photo on an A4 paper LUL (it worked btw).

Met a new friend there Esther who is gonna be in Hospital Ampang hehe :)

So Thursday, I drove to HSB for the first time in my life and got a first glance at it. It was really big and it looked quite spacious. Tbh, everything looked really nice cause I went to Penang hospital for the past 2.5 years, so anything is an improvement LOL. There were lanes for Covid patient set out which was kinda cool. Hospital was quite empty as HSB has now closed their doors to any non Covid cases. We went there and guess what, they tell us stay here first, UM not sure if they want you. LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL joke. JOKE. After filling out the forms, by noon they said now u can go UM already. So travelled back to PJ, bought ipoh chicken rice in front of CHS hehe for old times sake and went to UM. Didn't know where to parked so parked on top of ED. 2.5 hours cost me RM5 wew cray cray. But first day nothing much, just got our emails and passwords and basic set ups. The orientation was also the shortest in UM history, being only 2.5 days. The next 2 days were just lectures on basic stuff (that i dozed off for, in the front row again LOL).

Paeds batch woohoo! :)

So, I started my UM journey in Paediatrics, ward 8PB with Ain. The others in paediatrics were Mark, Shing Li, Nadiah, and Shanna. 2 in each ward. Apparently I was in the old ward of Zu Yao's sister and she dropped a message to my sis saying it's a good ward xD I'm still like I'll judge by the time I go to the ward hehe. Turns out it was the best ward I could ever ask for to start my housemanship, especially in paeds hehe. It is a cardio and respi ward, with lodgings by ophthal, ent. I walked in and I met up with some housemans and it only took me a few days to kinda really blend in with them which is great. One level above I get my lovely medical officers Dr. Yeoh, Dr. Mukmin and Dr Sa'adah. They can be tough when needed but they are open for discussions and teachings which encourages me to just try and present or discuss answers cause I won't get bombed down so fast. It was amazing. Then, one level above are my specialists Dr. Lim and Dr Chan. Dr Lim is the neurology specialist who tickles our brain with loads of questions regarding the patient's chronic conditions. He also taught us slightly about ventilations and all so it was really fun. Dr. Chan meanwhile is more stern who requires loads of laptops (one care chart, one results, one type) but also likes to teach. He makes his assessments into teaching sessions for HOs and MOs alike. Seeming that this is a teaching hospital, maybe this is usual kot haha.

Sadly, once I really got close to my ward, 8PB was converted into a Covid ward out of a sudden, and we were all moved away. That was like when the nightmare begun. I was moved to 8PA with the patients for 2 days and it was not fun lol. Their MOs were not like ours and I got shouted at as well (for something that wasn't even about me, just the way I was standing LOL). Yeah, shit. Then they said that we have too many HOs and wanted to rest some of us at home, which initially was a wonderful news. HOWEVER, they changed it suddenly and said they are going to shove some HOs to ANOTHER hospital due to the lack of learning opportunities. FML. List came out, all of my batch in Paeds kena, even Nadiah who got her UM posting also was included. So now, I don't even know where I'm going, when I'm going, and how everything is going to work out lol. I was having fun working in 8PB and then now all of this is going to end again lol. PLUS I just got off tagged, and if we go to a new hospital, probably we will need to tag again. I crai. I really do crai. T.T

But yeah, so far its only like this I guess. Housemanship is still going on, only 2 weeks in, 1 year and 50 weeks to go lol. Other than that, probably nothing much to update haha. Still single, no blossoming relationship. I'm fine with that :) Till next time!

Year of Revelation

Only the second post of the year and it's only 4 days away till the start of a new decade. Yes, I've agreed so many times that I've slacked too much on my blogging habits it's just sad at this point.

I just finished my caroling session with The Singaholics after like 5 years of absence and the feeling was actually quite great. Think I needed it to reconnect with people from choir cause it certainly has been a while and the company was really good. The joy of performing as well. Gosh, it's been so long! Plus, it's fun to know a few new people like Shin Pey and Venice who are like super young hahaha compared to the old relics like Jie Ying, Ting Jia, Calvin and I. The whole process was definitely enjoyable! I even just realized that one of the pianists Julin was actually my childhood friend's sister. Which was like a major WTF moment when it came to light. Not to mention the 96s who basically planned the whole caroling gig together. Nice to try and get to know the juniors more like Hui Yi, Pei Lin, Xi Rong... Just to name a few la :D

Other than that, I worked 2 months in a PR firm and have been doing odd jobs here and there just to get some income and make me feel less guilty about staying home ya know. It's honestly nicer to have like a proper 9-5 job so that I can get into a routine unlike now where everything is like topsy turvy and it kinda feels like my life is a mess. But as I typed this blog post and procrastinated for the past few days, it is currently the last day of the year already. These past few days have been quite meh to be honest no thanks to my AGE episode I guess, not sure if it actually is just been pooping water. Yeah... it hasn't been the greatest.

So looking back at this year, I graduated medical school only to find out that the job prospect is getting shittier and shittier. Should I have applied back to Dublin? God knows honestly at this point. Might have regretted not applying but it would have meant another year waiting as well, so ok let's hope MOH treats me well next year.  (Midway typing this, it is now the 1st of January of 2020, this is how badly I procrastinate ladies and gentleman, it makes me wanna smack myself in the head. SO HARD) So career aspect wise, all I can do right now is cross my fingers and hope everything works out for me. I might not be the brightest kid out there (Vivien pretty much grounded all of us by just showing how incredible she is lol), but hell I should really put in the effort this year to actually push myself since the future is getting so bleak. I might be helping out my college to recruit some poor souls into the medical field as well for money so I guess I will update on how that is after a while.

Let's not forget the big "highlight" of this year was pretty much the breakup. Have to say adjusting life back to being single was definitely not the easiest thing. It was a void that had to be filled someway or somehow like you just lose someone you constantly talk to and share pretty much everything with. It's been like what 5 months since the breakup? Can't say that I'm 100% the same as I was before cause I dunno, still can't get over this spitefulness I have over Christianity. I just still can't get over the fact of the inferiority complex that surrounds it like jeez. I support all religions as pretty much no religion teaches bad things (this might be debatable), but it's like join us or perish in the fires of Tartarus. =.= Will really need to learn to get over this one day. Really. Think it's hurting the way I look at people too. Abigail and I are definitely still friends and I don't see a reason for us to stop being friends really, and she is busy with her houseman-ship too so all the best to all of us who are gonna go through the gauntlet! :D

Moving forward, I guess this year would definitely get worse and worse as it goes by cause, first of all, we still don't have our flying car hmmm... ok just a casual jibe at Wawasan 2020 to start off the future lul. OKAY! So yeah, houseman-ship starts in about 2 or 3 months. Am I ready for it? Probably not since I've pretty much forgotten a lot of stuff. The thing that scares me the most really is when I'm supposed to be on call in the ward alone with my MO being MIA, and a critical thing happens. This is why, I'm gonna make it a thing to actually revise all my blood investigation interpretations, especially ABGs and god don't even get me started on those blood taking skills. It will be awful. To the first few months of patients that will have to endure my tremor, I am so sorry. I do notice my tremors are getting more apparent, which does bring up more flags and hopefully it isn't due to hyperthyroidism which I've been suspecting for years just lazy to do any tests. So here is to hope that the tremor resolves itself by the time I start my houseman.

As for relationships, I guess I will see how life brings me about? I don't really know what to do now since I haven't actually confirmed where am I going to do my HO-ship. If the government is hell-bent on cutting my pay then of course I'll stay nearer to home, but if not probably I could still venture out. So that leaves the question hanging to if I even do get a girlfriend now, where would we end up? This whole doctor thing basically casts a giant question mark on my life so that's why I wanted my other half to at least be in the same field cause if not it's gonna be very difficult really. Am I seeing anyone now? No. Although just chilling and talking with someone now and see how the whole conversation goes. We shall see about this one haha, doesn't seem to be going anywhere tho xD Too long off this game I can't read signs anymore. Anyhow, can just be friends anyway hehe :) Slowly ba, 顺其自然. Everything should work out deee... hehe :D

I think that's all I have to say for now, it's nothing much really just decided to do some quick update about my life as part of my mini-reflection for the end of the year. In the end, this post didn't reveal as much reflection as much as I thought it would, partially cause I think I did it on my own when I was having my AGE episodes HAHAHA! Yeah, hopefully will get to more blog posting this year (pretty sure everyone would roll their eyes by looking at this now cause I've said it SO. MANY. TIMES) and to less procrastination definitely. See you guys real soon aite :) <3 p="">