Continuing on from my previous post, where I was innocently 2 weeks into my housemanship. In the end, I settled down in ward 7PA, which was basically a neonate and gastro ward. I learned quite a lot from there regarding neonatal care and some gastro cases (eg: HSP which was fun and annoying to deal with as well). Had amazing MOs as well like Dr Chiang, Dr Claudia, Dr Daniel and later added a Dr Rhinaa. All of them were really helpful and was honestly quite fun to work with. Dr Claudia and I never actually bonded as well as with the other MOs guess she just didn't think too much about me huh HAHA is fineee. Worked with Shanna and Nadiah from my batch in there. Most housemen that I worked with were more than helpful and an absolute joy to work with. Sure there were the occasional ones that I'm just like not super keen to work with, but luckily my night shift mates have been nothing but excellent. I had the pleasure to work with Yee Theng, Navenia, Cassandra, just to name a few. 7PA gave me loads of exposure to deal with neonates and gastro patients. Although sticking a cannula into a baby is still hard ass work. Really hard to stick that thing properly. urgh.
After that, I moved on back to 8PB as my second ward placement. I got 2 general wards for my paeds posting which tbh wasn't ideal. I kinda was hoping to get PICU for 2 reasons. Simply because it would be nice to learn how to work in an ICU setting as a houseman, to see how differently things worked, and also because there just isn't that many PICUs in Malaysia and I had the opportunity to work in a hospital with one. Oh well, but things worked out anyway. Sure 8PB wasn't what it was cause there was a shuffling of MOs and specialists. I still kinda enjoyed my time there. My laptop did die like 3 minutes after a MO used it. The hard drive just straight up got fried. Literally spent an entire day just trying to fix it in the ward lol. In the end, had to spend 2 weeks laptop-less and finally got a new MSI GF65 Thin for myself. 2nd new laptop in my life ever. Now my plan is to get a new hard drive and load that with windows and shove it into the Asus G56JR and probably let my mum use it or something, It is kinda busted in a way where the battery life just kinda dies shortly after u plug out. No idea why till today. Went to the shop and he told me there is no use fixing the battery OR the casing (which is faulty cuz it causes the bottom lid to pop up when u open the top lid LUL), cause it is memang a known problem with that model. So, still scouting around for hard drive + windows. Probably just getting a SSD and copy my windows from this laptop over to that laptop I guess. Was planning to get a super light one that fulfils my gaming needs, hence this MSI GF65, BUT, not long after I got this laptop, the letter from KKM came. Its time for us to head back to reality, to where we were supposed to call home, Hospital Sungai Buloh.
After being in Sungai Buloh for a month now, there are definitely a few things I miss from PPUM. First of all is definitely the fully automated system. How nice it was to walk around and key in notes during rounds straight away. Sungai Buloh has this makeshift system where it is a "computerized system" but its really not effective AT ALL. You have to follow rounds, write shit on a piece of paper and then transfer later into the system. Unlike everything in UM which is pretty much in the system already, you have to double-check as to what is in the file and what is in the system. Then, during rounds, some MOs don't allow you to print out the cases. So is either u get here like 3 hours early and manage to review and memorize/note down EVERY SINGLE DETAIL about the patient into few pieces of paper, OR u can just print out the latest review I GUESS. Some MOs want to print a review and put it in the file as well, which gets u thinking what's the point then if ur just gonna print it out to read it. It's like everything is super redundant. I know we can't be like UM where everyone gets to bring laptop on wheels, (cause Sg Buloh uses intranet instead of an internet pfftt). That is honestly the main problem. And like there are way less HOs to cover a certain ward. Like on calls I have to deal with 2 wards. Why? Why can't it be one per ward? I know, lacking HO, which really freaking sucks. It does.
I honestly could complain on and on about my life right now because I'm not exactly in a very happy and healthy state right now. Just constantly like moping around all the time, but honestly during my off day on my birthday, I just had to tell myself I really need to pick myself up and slug through this. I'm only 5-6 months into my housemanship, and with so many postings to go (which is all going to get way worse). It's hard tho. It's hard trying to convince urself ur doing fine, where everyday u go to work, it's like constant fear of MOs finding fault within ur work. It's not even that, you open WhatsApp and the creeping feeling of shittiness comes back when the MOs start blasting on the group. Even some on mistakes that are clearly not capable of being made by a HO. It's like the first instinct for everything is always HO first. It gets tiring really fast. Maybe cause it's basically my first rotation in HSB, where things are a bit different from UM. The culture is definitely different. Well after speaking to my seniors about it, it pretty much is just part of life and sooner or later I will get used to this. It is kind of sad that things have resulted to this sort of manner. Before actually starting HO, you hear stories about this and how you think you would be able to shake it off no problem. Then it happens to you and you just feel like shit. Like literal shit. At least for me. Bouncing back once is no problem, and then it gets tougher and tougher as you start to build a mental blockade against yourself. Not good. So all in all, really need to learn to not get beat down from mistakes.
"Okay, at this point this post has actually been delayed for far far too long. I think I started typing this in July? and its already mid September. Believe it or not. I'm that unproductive when I get home. Yes. HAHA"
So today marks the 2 months that I've been in this rotation and only 1 more month till I have to pass up my logbook. Looking at my logbook, feels like I'm fucked. Not a single CME or case presentations done. Feels so different when you are actually doing a proper manual logbook, unlike UM's e-logbooks. You don't have to face the MOs who are giving you their signature of approval. It's so annoying like. Yeah, I have a few MOs that I feel are ok at giving me their signatures without too much of a fuss, but filling in the registration numbers are hard as well. Oh well, hopefully things improve in the next week and I get more things done. Hopefully.
Things have been ok so far in UM. I had a chance to go do an EMLSCS with my mentor who is Dr. Shairah and honestly it was eye-opening at the speed of which the Caesar was done. In and out in 30 minutes boom. Granted that there was an episode of failed spinal in which the whole thing was delayed for a good 20 minutes and plus it was a case of "foetal distress" (which honestly half the time it doesn't feel like a "foetal distress". So that was nice. She is honestly one of the most knowledgable and helpful drs that I know out there. It's very nice when I get to work with her. Although with that being said I really do have to up my knowledge game a bit. Yeah, I do know about the basics of things but not the whole bunch of it. When they start asking about specifics I'm always feeling stunted lol like what am I supposed to answer haha. TBH I don't really have a great source to read from too. Back in PMC, I relied on 2 books, the Malaysian guidelines for O&G and also Hwee's. I still have Hwee's but I don't have the Malaysian Guidelines anymore and tbh some of it I can only find in there like Rh negative mother sensitizing events kinda thing. Hopefully I can find the CPG hmm or maybe just list of topics so that I can read online. One more problem is Gynae problems. They are like stuff that I hardly encounter. I took care of EPAU the other day then at least only I have like some idea of stuff. If not die lo I tell you. PV bleed here PV bleed there. Definitions also another one. some AUB la some HMB la, intermenstrual bleed la. LOL forgot all d xD
Anyway, now that is left to do is buckle up and finish what I started. As I'm writing this Covid cases are back on the rise so I'm seriously hoping there will be no PKP2.0 where we will be shipped out again. I don't think I can deal with this.
Also, to wrap it up, just came back from a gathering with the choir peeps after so long and finally seeing Zhi Jie after that boy has been away for so long. It felt really good to go see them post night shift summore. Can't lie that feel like I needed that quite badly. Was getting tad bit depressed from working. Meeting shitty people in the hospital can just be so 🙄🙄🙄 Just felt so nice to spend a whole night hanging out with them peeps and catching up. Walking around with lanterns as well like we are a bunch of primary school kids hahaha classic xD Love you guys to the moon and back.
That's probably it for now. Hopefully everything goes well and up from here. Need to toughen myself up mentally and just try and go on from here. Update here soon I guess. 😜
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