Uncertainties in life

It probably has been a while since I didn't do an end of posting a reflection blog post. For some reason, at the end of the surgical posting, I just chose to not do one partially cause I felt like I just did the whole rant about the faith thing so I kinda wanna give everything a rest. Little did I know I would be doing one a month into my final posting. 

 

Let's start with whatever is going on now first before we take a short taxi trip back to my end of posting reflection for surgical. My last posting is... the EMERGENCY DEPARTMENT!! To be honest I was kinda happy about getting ED which was what I was hoping to get cause theoretically people say it would prepare me to do Locum jobs after I get my full MMC registration number. Anything for that extra Moolah ya know. Although, did I foresee myself ending up in the ED of HSgB instead of HSAS when I wanted to go to ED at the start of my 5th posting, probably not. Who knew HSgB would start calling back their kulis in the midst of a covid wave. Then again, has the wave actually died down or more of waiting to strike again now with some bloody Omicron variant lurking around Malaysia hmm... Guess we shall see with the months to come, with HSgB still being the mothership of covid lol.

I've been in ED for almost a month now and I've slowly gotten used to it. The shifts are all 12 hours, either from 8am to 8pm. or night shifts from 8pm to 8am. Now, ED HSgB is not fully open to ambulance calls yet hence we are relatively relaxed if compared to the hectic market scenes in HSAS. Only like really emergency cases or covid cases every pop up in our ED. Hence, bedside RTKs and Covid PCRs are pretty much baseline investigations here. It might be a "blessing in disguise" to even get Covid if you present to HSgB because you will be getting a bed there instead of waiting to be referred out. However, let's focus more on my experience going through ED for 3 weeks now, shall we? People used to say that I'm quite fast while doing ward works (which I still don't fully agree with because I've been known to procrastinate quite a bit lol), but when it comes to ED work god am I slow. Let's take inserting branulas for an example, I was never really a great branulogist (passable at most), but once I've seen my bosses insert branulas, damn I'm really shit aren't I. Green branulas inserted everywhere, with the speed and precision of a literal God. That's probably the basics of what a HO is supposed to do but maigod I swear, even MAs and SNs have better skills than you when you are in ED. The ED will run smoothly with or without you essentially. The thing is our minds are so worked up from all 5 previous postings that you're primary job as a HO is to take blood. This mentality kinda carries over to ED and even the EPs have to stress that HOs, your job is not to take blood. Can't help it tho, you see a fresh case come in, no matter from PAC during O&G times, the first thing is to get the bloods settled. MOs will already be there to take the history already anyway, no matter if you've already clerked the patients or not. Hence, better off getting lines and bloods for the patient, just to justify your existence HAHA. So that's a pretty hard mindset to change and will require serious work to change.

*After typing this paragraph, I went to check on why we call it branula while Singapore and Ireland call it cannula. Turns out branula is a Spanish word for catheter... Why is Malaysia using a Spanish term, I will never know I guess HAHA.

Back to the preparation of being a MO and doing Locums after doing ED, I think I would be much prepared if I did my ED rotation in HSAS instead of HSgB. Purely due to the patient load and the difference in responsibility of a HO. It is pretty much a clusterfuck of a warzone in HSAS when I left, where one HO is left to fight against the world in each zone, really can be quite chaotic. Pretty sure things are the same now. Just the other day there was a super terrible flood over Shah Alam and Klang due to some typhoon nearby that caused us to have like 36+ hours of rain non-stop. Things were pretty depressing not going to lie. Roads to Shah Alam were all blocked off by floods so our hospital's ED was on standby for the affected hospitals, but being a Covid Hospital, it's really hard to get patients in purely due to bed statuses. We can only do so much. True enough, this slow and steady pace is good for us to identify all the weak points in our knowledge which I have to say is a lot. Being in HSgB makes your world very enclosed. You are only exposed to so many different diagnoses and it really limits your knowledge. Sure you are expected to read and prepare for anything that comes through those emergency doors, but I don't think I'm that ready for doing Locum or just seeing patients in general. It gets quite sad really. Hospital is apparently gearing towards a hybrid hospital, rumoured on 17th Jan next year, which will greatly amplify the cases we see, but we will also be lacking HOs again, so I'm not sure if it will be such a great idea, all depends on how JKNS wants to play it I guess. For now, I really have to work myself up to read on so many things that I don't know. Luckily I have very nice MOs and EPs so far, loads to learn from. 3 more months to go so let's do this.

Now that I'm in my 6th posting, a few questions keep getting thrown around now. Where do I want to float and what is my future plan. Honestly, before starting HOship I had my mindset on being an endocrinologist, despite me not being the smartest human being in the world. After going through all the postings, some albeit being half-assed no thanks to Covid, the thing that I noticed the most is how busy the Medical department always is. MOs in surgical and ortho can afford to take a chill pill once in a while but medical is just non-stop. The whole hospital kind of relies on the medical department so the workload honestly is insane. So, do I really want to be a medical MO? Although I like medical stuff, so it's hard to decide. That, and also the uncertainty of my future, which brings us to the next part of which paper do I want to take. Am I better off spending that money to go to UK/Ireland or to spend it on doing the MRCP? I mean Denzel is smart AF and he barely passed it, do I even have a chance lol. With my laziness right now, it's hard to be sure that I will be studying hard for MRCP at all. Future plans are always so blurry it's so hard for me to commit. I wish there was like a small hint from my future self on which road to take HAHA. I guess I should start by being less lazy and less engrossed by games then huhu.

Now onto the relationship department!! It's been about 6 months? since Far and I kinda started our little relationship through WhatsApp, went on a few dates and watched some series/movies online. Things have been great tbh. Still, no long term plans from either of us although I think it might be time we had to figure something out because we both know the future plan is very unkind for us. I think I did mention this relationship to a few people. Generally, the response that I got is always shocked at first, like people just don't expect it. To be honest, 2 years ago if you told me this was happening, i wouldn't have believed you lol. I mean this can only go on for a year or two before we both have to face the music of reality. I really do enjoy hanging out with her on dates tho. We've watched 2 Marvel movies in the cinema together hehe :)) (Shaang Chi and Spiderman) Let's really not dwell too much about this I guess. Same mindset as when we first started this. Let's focus on the now and cross over to the new year together :)

That should be it for now, it's new years eve today and I have a night shift going on tonight. I've worked night of Christmas and New Years this year. See you peeps real soon ok. Cheers, and Happy New Year :D <3

As usual some photos for highlights :)

 

 At the restaurant in Tanjung Karang while on a day trip visit to HTK as part of the HSB Surgical team

 

 

With the fun as always Dr Yee Wen, glad to have gotten her as my MO on this trip to HTK :D

 

 

 

 

 Random photo of Codie (Big sis's dog) and me 

 

The long awaited Kiwi's wedding!! :DD

 

 

Final snapshots of Kiwi's wedding with mostly HSAS peeps

 

 

Birthday dinner celebrating 2nd sis's birthday! :)

 

  

Final days in Surg with Nadh, Anis and Shannananana

 

 

Long overdue visit back to Penang to meet with my grandmother!! 

 

As per tradition, EOP get together of TB boys

(first time with Denz, and sis in law xD)

 

 

 Random doodle by my MOs xD (Rise of the Omicron)

 

Post date photo just throwing it in here xD Aliaa's wedding!!

 

 

😊😜 

Faith

I don't do this often anymore. The last few entries are more like footnotes on my HO path for the past 2 years, but I don't think I've dedicated a specific post to like my thoughts in a while. If anyone is expecting a new issue to be tackled, I don't think you know me enough lol. Obviously, it's going to be about what is written on the bloody title HAHA. If anyone has even been following my progress in life, you would know that religion played a big role in my life. This statement, by no means that I'm a religious person LOL.

A short view back into the past, my previous long term serious relationship was with Abigail, which spanned 4 years plus. As you may already know, it ended mutually (well at least to us it is mutual lol) because I just couldn't bear the thought of her constantly having the idea of wanting me to convert to Christianity even if we do get married in the future. With the pressure from the churchgoers and my mind just constantly fighting the very idea of Christianity, it was too tough. We were 24 then, was it too soon to break up just because of the future? Some say it was stupid, some say it was better to break it off early (although I'm not sure 4 years fit the criteria for early) and not to waste each other's time anymore (which was the thought of that time), hence the decision to mutually end things right after we just graduated. 

Now, here I am dating Farzainin that I met back in November/December last year in Medical. To be honest, things were great from the get-go like it was always fun to work with her and just you know, hang. The problem is, I live in Malaysia, where again religious issues will step in again whenever you date a Malay girl. The few people that I told this to pretty much gave me the same reaction haha as expected. The thing is back in June when the flirting was building up, I constantly asked myself what are you doing. Like honestly, what are you doing. I know previously I said that I would just let it happen if it happens, cause I'm not actually actively searching for any relationship. Now, it has happened, and it feels great once again, although there is that neverending crippling fact at the end of the line, what will be the endgame? Marriage would be nearly impossible unless some miracle happens. How do you decide, do you live in the moment or do you constantly plan for the future and not waste time.

Recently, I was watching the Da Vinci Code trilogy on Netflix, and one quote from Angels and Demons stuck with me for the longest time. It was when Camerlengo (btw, SUPER HYPED when I saw it was Ewan McGregor) was asking Prof Langdon if he believed in God, and I have to say he gave the most classy and perfect answer there it: "Faith is a gift I have yet to receive". From all my discussions with Hon, David, Abby, Cindy, about the whole idea and concept of Christianity, I realize the main difference between all of us was just faith. The fact that I did not have faith in religion and the whole basis of it is why the answers to most of my questions were not enough for me. It's the lack of faith. The whole concept of join us or rot in hell still seems so medieval to me. Basically, it's an exclusive club that you sell your rights to believe in anything else if you think about it.

I think I'm gonna stop here for now before I offend people based on my views on religion lol. Don't get me wrong, all religions are good in their own ways, they act as a moral compass for their believers (the majority of the believers anyway, excluding the extreme ones). Like I definitely think it helps as emotional support during hard times, like I prayed prior to competitions when I get severe stomach aches and all, there is this sort of calmness that soothes over your body. Just please, stop trying to convert people or force views on other people. It just gets really really annoying. No doubt I have a sort of love-hate relationship with religion in general right now. 

Whatever it is, don't ever say that religion is what unites people, cause from my short 26 years of life experience, wars, terror attacks, and acts of violence have been committed under the name of religion, no matter which. Even in my relationships, religion didn't exactly have a good track record. Then again, could just be me always looking for trouble LOL. But hey, I said it before, if it happens, it happens.

Honestly, though, I hate myself for my thoughts. For the past few years, I think I hated my mind even more. Was it really that important to do the right thing, the so-called mature thing? Wouldn't it have been better for me if I thought less about this serious stuff and just live in the moment and enjoy everything while it lasted? What's with my mind being so serious and so realistic that I have to get everything sort of planned out for what's best for everybody. In my mind, it may be the best for everyone but is it really? I might be unconsciously the most selfish person. I don't even get my logic anymore and I'm just bang on ranting at this point.

 Tomorrow will be our first date? Well, officially the first date excluding all the Zoom ones haha and we shall see how it goes. Meanwhile, just stay safe everyone and I'll see ya guys real soon :)

Sudden relocation. Again.

Random Coffee shot from my gallery just to set the picture for this post xD

I think I can change the blog's name to the life of being a KKM Kuli. As the previous post mentioned, I had just finished ortho and started the compulsory 2 weeks tagging in Surgical posting (my 5th posting). 2 weeks actually passed by pretty fast tbh as day by day wasn't too eventful thank goodness. Surgical posting right now is like half on a holiday mood as the patient load has reduced tremendously no thanks to covid. Therefore, if we were situated in ED, that was probably as close to an acute appendicitis case as we got. Cause our gahmen had this idea to outsource cases to private hospitals, at a ceiling rate of  RM45k per patient, where if the bill had exceeded the limit, the patient will be sent back to HSAS for any continuation of care. Now with the instability of our economy, where did they get the money for this I truly have no clue. Just imagine if 10 patients per day were to be outsourced, that's RM450k per day (enough to buy a landed property easily). Honestly felt it was not a very sustainable way of doing things in the long run definitely.

ANYWAY, rare for me to straight up start with a rant LOL. The main point is, near the end of my tagging days, there started to have rumours that HSB was taking back HOs now, to help in the fight with Covid (my guess is because there are just way too many MOs quitting due to being overworked). KKM even recruited first-year HOs to start working in Covid. Imagine these peeps who have no experience taking ABGs or setting lines, currently have to wear full PPE and do all that, with that double glove summore. The learning curve is definitely high for them, good or bad I leave it up to them to decide lol. Sure enough, the first wave of relocations hit where Shah Alam housemen are chosen to go to UKM hospital to help with Covid cases for a month, along with a brand new logbook for every rotation. Apparently all rotations,2 months will be spent in Covid while 2 months doing the normal ones. The new logbooks have honestly very little to them, and hence limits exposure to all HOs. This all just makes Malaysia's future healthcare quality looking quite bleak. After HSAS, Ampang HOs got called to go UPM, and less than a week later, so did some HSB HOs, including yours truly. Ampang ones actually had quite some time to prepare while HSB HOs got called to arms on very short notice as usual. The announcement came, next day swab, then next day go work. Simple as that. Meanwhile, other HSB HOs were getting called back to go to HSB.

The time left in HSAS was honestly so limited and everything was so sudden I didn't actually have time to say goodbye and all. Quite of a shocker really. Plus my schedule was changed last minute due to the severe lack of  HOs now that everyone has left for Covid rotation and sudden quarantine. Last minute found whoever I could and just snapped a few photos is a bit sad that I don't get to :/ I was actually looking forward to helping out in the covid war tbh, but just the short time wasn't enough to say goodbye was kinda sad. Luckily, Far, Chai and Aliaa threw like a small going away party for me, was really touching and like a nice last goodbye for now kinda way, it was really nice.

So now let's focus on my life here in HPUPM. To be honest it has been super great for these past month working here. First of all, we started off without any orientation at all, and like shoved into Covid AM rotation straight. Luckily followed a bit of covid rounds before last time so have a bit of experience for board rounds. Weird thing for HPUPM is almost everything is put onto Google Drive instead of their in house system. Now I don't know if things were done this way before we came in or is this just for the sake of Covid patients. There are pros and cons to this as it's easily accessible on your phone especially during bedside rounds, but.. when someone accidentally screws the whole document (which actually happened and everything that was done during the AM rounds were completely undone haha), yeah can be disastrous. So the whole sequence is doing board rounds first while we actively update the SN in the wards to wean down oxygen so that we can assess right after the board rounds. Quite efficient really, things get updated almost right away through Whatsapp, no longer having like SN waiting for doctor's final entry until 12pm plus, then only they will be too busy doing their SN report to care about you (Ahem KKM Ahem xD). Then, we will don in with our specialist and MO, taking SpO2 of each patient and assessing the patient clinically.

Donning in is like exciting the first time then it gets faster after each time. As soon as you are in there, you can't feel anything, like what air cond. Feeling the sweat drip bead by bead (Mostly on your arms and back). Also, taking ABG or venupuncture through double gloves is actually quite challenging. When you are fully donned in, you feel your heartbeat more than ever, then it starts to get super confusing like am I feeling my own pulse or the patient's pulse. However, this time I have definitely taken more brachial ABGs than I ever had in my life. It was just easier to feel and take (plus can use green needle HAHA). 

I was put in the same group as 4 Ampang HOs, Venice, Syukri, Shiqin, and Alya, all 5th posters (except for Shiqin). Initially felt slightly alienated, which can't be helped because I was the only one not from Ampang. As soon as they start talking about drs in Ampang it just feels like a big question mark for me huhu. But sooner or later, we all got together quite nicely and turned out to be a very efficient and nice month working together, cleaning up other people's poo poo. Not to mention the night shifts where initially was super chill. No admissions, just waiting to take cm bloods at 4am. MOs would suggest us to use the projector to literally play movies. The vibe was really super chill and feels damn good. Soon we even started bringing food at night for like pot luck, was really a very different experience, reminiscence of UM Paeds cardio/respi ward night shifts HAHAHA. Anyway, the shift system works like SN shift, except it was way chiller. We worked basically 24H every 5 days. It goes PM shift, AM shift, ON shift, PN and then off. Even my dad was like why are you constantly home, do you not have to work HAHAHA. 

Honestly with this shift system, I actually spent more time gaming than ever (until my laptop battery also died, not sure if game or work related or just plain died from usage alone). I know I should have used this time to study more for my MRCP.... but what to do I'm just lazy. Envious over people like Denzel or Vivian who have a clear goal in mind for their future, and are working hard to strive towards it. Am I just not mixing with the right people or is just generally me being lazy and unmotivated lol. Can't really put the blame on other people lol ma bad, mainly just me being unmotivated then xD Keep telling myself to set a goal by the end of HOship but guess that ain't going anywhere also..

Anyway, heading back to HSB now for the remainder of my HOship I presume. Yes, it is still a covid hospital so nothing has changed. Things will be different for my surgical posting and my 6th posting (presumably ED I guess). Covid is coming down in Selangor now that the vaccination rates have gone up, so that's a good sign that we are slowly shifting towards the hybrid hospital status, although now I feel like HSB is definitely going to be the last on the list to be reconsidered lul. Can't wait to meet all the rest of the old HSB gang woohoo!!

Lastly, updates on ma personal life, Far and I are still keeping in touch regularly with intermittent online show dates haha. Taking it slowly and just happy with what is going on around my life for now (although better if we get to see each other, but guess this will have to do for now, see how things go step by step then hehe. Here are the usual photos to close off the post hehe :))

Final day of working post night in HSAS with ma fav registrars and specialist in that 2 weeks plus I'm there HAHA Dr Chieng, Dr Ooi, and Miss Jolynn

 

Fully donned in with covid blood casually selfie-ing xD

Glimpse of how the covid ward looked like

Place where I regularly donned out with my super sweaty scrubs by then

Guess who I met!!! NADIAHHHHH from UMMMMM been almost a year jeez hahaha

Selfie with le teamm

More selfieess

Ma great team in HPUPM. Was a blast working with these peeps

First dine in after so long with these 2 Tricia and Tham, just to catch up after working in covid after a while

Right before I was about to leave, GUESS WHO CAME INTO MY GROUPPP, nice to see u again Athirahhh :))

Owh yeah, choir peeps sent this lovely thing to celebrate my birthday along with like 4 pastries. How do u not love these people <3

:)) Excuse my MCO hair haha

New breath of life, new posting, same old life

 Hello peeps, here again for the update for the end of my 4th posting. As some of you may notice, I have a slightly newer blog skin (although it literally is just one of the templates that I saw in the blog, not completely satisfied with it to be honest, it takes quite a lot of searching to actually find what I want, since I don't have a complete picture in mind?), so this will do for now haha. It is officially the end of my ortho posting today!! Am actually surprised that I have enjoyed myself quite a bit over these 4 months of ortho. I mean back in PMC, ortho was really never my favourite subject, plus it's just like not really focused on that much as well? Looking back there were definitely a few MOs that stood out in helping me throughout this posting. We will slowly go into it down there I guess.

As mentioned in my previous post I guess, I was dreading going into ortho for the simple reason of I don't like orthopaedics. Bones just really aren't my thing and I couldn't care less about ligaments and shizz. These 4 months slowly changed me tho, thanks to the friendly MAs, MOs, and some fellow HOs who are nothing short of great orthopods. Clerking for Ortho is much simpler, majority of your patients come in with very little prior medical illness, which makes your life in the ward much easier. Normally patients come in due to MVAs, weird mishaps in the middle of the friggin night (which generally begs the question like wtf were u doing at this time of the night), workplace injuries (can be freaking nasty), or infection cases. Now the trauma cases, finding the fracture honestly is fun. Scanning the Xray just to detect any abnormality that can be a cause of tenderness. 

Trailing back to like tagging week of orthopaedics was just super culture shock tho. First of all the rounds were like lightspeed, especially coming from medical where the rounds are like 2-3 hours long LOL. Second day of life memang kena from MO and Specialist, lol what to do when the entire team was all taggers and we had no idea how orthopaedics even worked that time. You have to focus only on a few things, Biodata, Dx, Post op day what, Culture, Abx, dressing, Blood ix. Done. Yeah, sooner or later we got the gist of it. DXT all, supposedly it's expected for HOs to deal with it on their own. Great if ur a senior poster, if you're a first poster? Hmm.. It's tough.  Think my first memorable ED experience was with Shah and Dr Izzah where she basically taught a lot about primary survey and the primary ossification centres of a child. Think I will always remember clerking a supracondylar fracture of humerus for my first case in ortho haha. Let's not forget how horrible my offtag assessment was with Dr Rushda haha. Everyone else listening knew the answers except me and miraculously I still passed xD

Slowly as the weeks go by, then MOs start trusting you, and they let you do more procedures as well (up to proactivity really, which I have to say, not my strongest suit, hence won't say I did a full package). Ortho generally has a really chill vibe compared to the other postings. You're only really busy during the day preparing for rounds. After morning rounds, if nothing happens, it's just free time, where you pray for your patients to be stable until you go home haha. Few MOs that I really enjoyed working with was definitely Dr Srinivas who is like among the nicest MOs that don't leave you out to dry in front of the bosses, Dr Kalai, Dr Zufar, just to name a few. Like they are super committed to the job without being a total arse when troubles arise lol, definitely fun to work with. Will be happy leaving Ortho knowing I hit it off with a few MOs here as well. Regarding specialists, generally there were only 5 in the beginning (Miss Nura (HOD), Miss Amirah, Mr Robin, Mr Hijaz, and Mr Azrin). Ortho was special as it was split into two teams. I was in Miss Nura, Miss Amirah's team for 3 months and it was really nice working there because the rounds I felt are much more complete. It's like a nice pace to get things done as well. Generally the specialists were all like amazing. Miss Nura and Miss Amirah were fun as they listened to what you had to say and had mini teaching lessons as well. Mr Robin was this cool guy graduated from Manipal Melaka that had mini teaching sessions on weekends if he is oncall as well, and in the end added a lot of cool insights into the hosuemen CMEs. Mr Hijaz was cool as well as I rounded with him for peri rounds a lot so the management also makes sense, plus it's more relaxing to be with him in the OT definitely. Mr Azrin is the efficient guy who works at godspeed inside the OT. He is terribly talented, which makes it extra stressful to work with in the OT as well. Definitely. Overall, they were all amazing in their own ways la really. Speaking of OT, this is probably an ortho exclusive. The implant reps buy food and drinks for the surgeons during ELOT times, so hello to free food and drinks (which tbh are often cold by the time the HOs get to it HAHA). Quite an interesting time as well. 

Coming down a level, the HOs in Ortho are a mixed bunch. Some are amazing to work with, some are just like FML. I mean obviously I'm not gonna name names but gosh its so annoying to work with some. Luckily Preston, Tricia was pretty much always with me for every oncall so I know like it's not going to be a terrible night. Knowing you have a full team to back you up day and night always feels better. Can't say the same for the day shifts tho, can be brutal sometimes picking up other people's shit. Got back the same posting as Far again, quite excited actually since we worked and were pretty close back in medical as well, so at least that's like one less thing to worry about when I started Ortho. Sadly, only managed to work with her twice for nights, once during my first night and the second we got ED together hehe. Think we grew increasingly close throughout the posting so.. let's just see where this takes us then. 😜 I mean things are great the way they are now, even though dating is pretty much impossible due to the horrible MCO... Think that was a slight hint into my own personal life, probably too early to comment on anything for now hahaha we'll see xD. Day by day, day by day :) All I can say is it's fun hanging out with her :)

On the other hand,  Covid is definitely more rampant now compared to how it was when i last blogged. We have broken the 10k daily cases barrier and it's getting absolutely ridiculous now.  Hospitals are overcrowded, EDs are overflowing, frontliners are getting tired, resigning one by one. It's worse than before and our government honestly isn't doing much to rectify the whole situation tbh. So many guidelines and various versions of MCO, it doesn't even help at all. Covid has honestly become a HAP among HSAS and other Selangor hospitals because with the new variants, the old guidelines don't function that well anymore, plus no one is doing anything to change it. Vaccines are rolled out at an alarming pace sure but are we really winning the vaccine vs virus war. Seems, like the vaccines are still getting outpaced. Nevertheless, the vaccines do have protective properties so that's the hope that we can count on for now I guess.

Back to my life update, 5th posting will be surgery even though I requested for ED. At least I don't have to deal with the trouble of being a 6th poster in surgical. When you are a 6th poster everyone just has very different expectations of you. But yeah, definitely surgical first will be a good step although a lot of my friends are on their way to ED right now. At least Nabila will be in Surg with me hehe. I haven't been touching anything surgical for a long time, and honestly the only thing I remember now is Appendicitis, even that it's like surface knowledge. Hopefully I won't be that dumb guy huhu. Will update back mid posting if there is the need for it. For now, just want to enjoy whatever's left of my AL before the dreaded tagging periods urgh.

As usual, here are some pictures for now to leave behind! :) See y'all real soon hehe :)) Stay safe, and I mean it.

One of the many times that I have to fully don a PPE. The number of patients who got nCOV PCR positive in Ortho ward was just super alarming. Had to don way more times than when I was actually in medical lol

Attending covid positive patient with Sarah and Atiqah lol difficult ass branula.

My number for 2nd dose of Pfizer Vaccination!!

Owh yeah completely forgot about this above. So one day I was working and I got a call from the security team telling me my car got rammed in the parking lot. I was like, wtf my car was well parked in a spot. Came down to see this. The impact was so big that my car literally shifted to the right. Yeah turns out a SN was arguing with her fiance and drove off and lost control and hit my car.... She paid for everything, but still.. not fun.

With one of my favourite SN from Medical where we both ran into a bit of trouble with Dr Guna huhu.. but never the less fun!! :DD

The 4 peeps leaving Ortho together (Wani is not in this pic and so is Ainuddin)

Had so many night calls with Tricia, mostly in ED, helped me with bloods too. Super functional HO and friend hehe. See you in 6th posting la (doubt I will go Anaes tho). Shoutout to Pres also, didn't manage to get a photo with le busy HO leader xD 2 of my complaint sponges hahaha

Shahhhhh, first oncall ED with him memang all T&S he will happily do. Definitely a great friend throughout the posting hehe have fun in paeds!

With le amazing Ms Amirah and Mr Robin hehe :D

😁😉

(Probably take a better one next time without boss rushing in LOL)

Till next time peeps :D

End of Medical life . Halfway point

 First post of the year! First of all, Happy 2021 to everyone who is still reading my blog (probably just me talking to a piece of dry wall right now). I have successfully finished Medical which is my 3rd posting, which also means its the halfway point of my housemanship. Feels actually quite fast for a year to have just crept by.

Let's summarize my entire medical posting with 1 word, COVID. Can't stress how important Covid played a role in my entire medical posting. I started off my medical posting having to adjust because I came from O&G posting where patients are not sick, just a natural phase of life. Everyone has a very easy history that you just have to be aware of any past complications and how many weeks into their pregnancy are they. Everything was just so straightforward. The first few days were just me having no idea what to focus on, seeping through all the information like what do I need to present. After a while, things got better when I started to work with Dr Ong in another ward. Then, everything went smoother than before. Did help that I had some lovely senior functioning people to work with. Some of them were just first posters but work ethics were already +++. Made working so much easier. However, 1 month into medical, suddenly we had to have housemen to be in isolation wards to help at the counters. It started out with 2 clean wards, and 1 isolation wards, then cause of raising covid cases and more and more patients having SARI TRO COVID, we had 3 isolation ward and only 1 clean ward in the end. So basically for a month plus we just got sent into those wards to become full-time clerks. Do discharges, request scans, refer cases, do admissions, all for patients that we have never seen before, so you can assume how awkward it is to request scans during that point when a simple question of, does the patient have a green branula for contrast gets answered with a blunt "I don't know". LUL. Here is the funny part. Before the patient gets admitted into the iso wards, they are mostly from yellow zone in ED, which is the designated contaminated zone for SARI patients. Yet, housemen are expected to clerk, take bloods for the patients in YZ, but as soon as the patient is moved up to the ward, no... no contact. So don't you feel like the SOP makes no sense sometimes? Even for the public where last time a car could only fit 2 people and they couldn't sit like side by side. Like to be fair most of the people sharing cars would have been from the same family anyway. Then, no one wants to set proper guidelines and the samans don't make sense. Don't even get me started on the double standardness omg. Of course, that's not the main point of this post just side ranting on Malaysia's report card for the handling of covid 19. Started out wonderful, then threw it all away during the Sabah elections. Sure we can hear politicians claiming it's not due to that election, but facts don't lie. It just doesn't.

OK back to the regularly scheduled program of my life as a medical houseman. During my last month, I spent most of my time in the ED anyway. Won't say I'm the most efficient person in the ED after working with hyperefficient ppl like Vong, Iffah, Mariah. These girls are really next level when it comes to working efficiency. They cover so much. SO MUCH. Had a really fun time working with them. Honestly this time in medical I met so many amazing fellow HOs I kinda felt blessed. There were people like Preston, Jethro, Madihah, Sofia, Tharshinii, Farzainin, Chai, just to name a few. (Don't get offended if your name wasn't in, you know I appreciate u xD, that is if anyone ever reads this anyway). Definitely was also happy that there were so many ex PMC peeps here as well. Finally had the pleasure to work with Maryam (been so long since PMC days so it was definitely good to see her again, plus she got engaged halfway through the rotation, so happy for her too!). The rest of the PMC gang would be Zakwan, Sarah, Siti Sarah. Was a good time working with them. Also happy to meet some really lovely MOs along the way. Start off with the MO who was in charge of HOs. There were 2, Dr Diyanah and Dr. Farah Liana. I hardly worked with Dr Farah, so we weren't that close. Had a few oncalls with Dr Diyanah and she was really something else. She listens to your plans, she trusts you and she makes sure you get to rest and eat as well. Plus, she is confident and can manage to hold off the never-ending (sometimes trashy) referrals from ED. Also managed to share some clinic time with her during the final weeks. She was an absolute delight to work with, loved it. Some other MOs that were memorable to work with would definitely be Dr Ong, Dr Yim, Dr Firdaus, Dr Ting, Dr Azreen, Dr Jalil, just to name a few. Everyone has their ups and downs so its all a good mix to work with.

So also back to why medical rotation is being summarized by the word covid. To be fair, I don't think I learned that much from this medical rotation as I thought I would, or as much as I hoped I would. As I said, 1 month plus in Covid wards basically means you don't get to see patients, you don't get to do any procedures at all. Till today since I'm done with medical rotation, I'm still not very confident in doing medical procedures like any type of drainage. Seen FVC insertions a couple of times already so maybe yeah I can do that. Just generally I will have a lack of confidence when doing those things. Compared to Dr Ting who was a HO in HSAS as well. Well, he is on another level, definitely would have been the star houseman during his days. Junior MO but super confident and good at medical knowledge and the procedures. Like, that's the level you strive to achieve really. To be fair, I can't fully blame it on Covid, cause I've actually been really lazy since I started medical rotation anyway. I studied way less for this rotation compared to the previous ones, but somehow still managed to survive through it? For a person who was thinking of taking the MRCP, I was definitely way off track. Definitely. So don't expect me to be a good medical MO when I become a MO later HAHA. FML. Just don't wanna be a useless MO. Trust me, when HOs start labelling you as the useless MO, it's quite demoralizing. 

Anyway, to be fair I enjoyed my medical rotation quite a lot. It was a fun 4 months, with really friendly people and specialists. Makes u unafraid to speak up and say what you think. Special shout out to Dr. Rosdina. Hands down, HANDS DOWN my favourite specialist. Started working with her when I was in my first month, having ward rounds with her, it just motivates you to be better. Even during CMEs her inputs are wonderful and I was lucky enough to have her as my assessor and CME supervisor. She was fun and the assessment was quite stress free (Although I have to say I really royally fucked it up lol. If I was the assessor I believe I would have failed myself, that's how bad it was xD). Also, near the end of my posting, I lent my stethoscope to my MO Dr Azreen who brought it with her to have rounds with Dr Dina in Resus. She lent it to Dr Dina and it was lost for a whole night. Somehow miraculously Dr Dina found it at 5am when she was rounding in resus again. Apparently it was at the cardiac table (which I assume someone else was using for a whole day before realizing it wasn't theirs and placed it on the cardiac table). What shocked me the most was, she knew I was night shift in ED that night and held on to the steths, drove to the hospital at night JUST TO PASS ME THE STETHS. This is some next level dedication and I really hope I become a specialist with values like her. It honestly is truly inspiring. So so many people to look up to in Medical, really time to improve myself.

On a side note, I got my Covid vaccination already!! Did the Pfizer one and the first dose has been kind to me other than a simple sore arm. Apparently the second dose is worse, so.. we shall see on 1st of April hehe xD

Anyway, am still single now. Reiterating every post about how hard it is to find anyone in HSAS at all. I did hit it off with some fellow Malay HOs (and one patient xD), but u know, it's always hard due to the religious difference. If I didn't care about the religious difference I would have still been together with Abigail LOL. I mean nothing against Islam and all, I really can't give up pork HAHA. It's just way too good. So, continue the hunt for a girlfriend I guess. Not actively, but if it comes, it comes. 

Lucky enough to clear all my leaves at the end of the medical rotation. Took all my ALs and a few off days, managed to get 10 days off in a row. Obviously I wanted to use this time to go to Penang if it was even remotely possible, but due to the RMCO conditions set by the government, I was basically forced to be in Selangor for the entirety of my off day. It's still not too bad. Spent most of my time in front of my laptop as usual. Played a few games here and there, went out and tried a bunch of food that I've never tried. Also caught up with a few of my old friends as well. Had a very nice videocall with YiHwa, with Intan who is doing well in Ireland. Had a nice drinking session with Hon, David and Michelle, met up with the District Flare boys. It was a nice chill week I guess. Only yesterday I was notified that I'm going to orthopaedics next. How do I even feel about this LOL. It sucks. I don't like ortho. I DON'T LIKE ORTHO. I SUCK AT IT. OMG. ok rant over. Let's just put our heads down and brave this 4 months. It will pass by in a flash. I hope. Haiz.

As previous posts, stay strong and healthy, love you peeps, keep the positivity alive and see y'all soon hehe :) <3

Selfie with Far during our Iso ward stints xD

Truth of how I have to type everyday in the hospital xD

With Amalina due to the absurd number of times we were both oncall in ED at the same time HAHA

With Mariah le anti-J that I need in ED everytime I'm there HAHA

Me and my half asleep eyes with the ducky N95 mask pre-vaccine

Proof of vaccination :D

Sofia another stable force in Medical and a wonderful friend hehe xD

One of the many times I've fallen asleep in the iso ward HAHAHA

With Dr Zarul before he left HSAS for a much more chill place hahaha

With the amazing Dr. Diyanah during our final weeks

Final oncall with Dr Azreen in ED. Was a lovely night indeed hehe :DD

New Covid Wave, another time

Hey yooo, new update. Guess what, CMCO started again and we became an unwanted children againnnn.

I am currently finishing up my second posting in O&G in Hospital Shah Alam. The dream team of Mark, me , ain and ezzlyn have broken up so sad. However, the good thing now probably would be the abundance of PMC ppl in HSAS. Currently in O&G, I have Fatin Faizul with meee haha. She was definitely a great help to my early life in HSAS. Also, Wei Jin also helped make me feel much more comfortable there. I am already three months into O&G as I went to HSAS so I went there being a senior in O&G already, its kinda weird. I know the stuff from O&G but the system cracked my brain up. Especially like who was in charge of what. It started off really frustrating cause it seemed like a lot of work. The way they arranged the jobs was a bit questionable. Some were better than in HSB but it definitely needed getting used to.

Don't know if it's the new environment or not, the dread to go to work is even stronger now. It's shitttt. I would be even dreading like the day before work. Probably cause of the workload as well and it's getting a lot to handle cause of the Sungai Buloh cases piling on as well. Getting used to the system is taking a bit out of me as well. Not to mention some of the housemen here that are awfully malignant. Even for a first poster. Like seriously, cut it back a bit. No one is a fantastic houseman in their first month. The fact that people have the balls to ask how to do anything means they wanna learn. So it really isn't that hard to ask right? Pipe it down. I just kept telling myself its only 3 more weeks. Will be done in exactly 18 days (when I'm typing this lol). Don't know if I actually want it to end faster or not. Starting a new rotation comes with new challenges, and oh god the tagging. THE TAGGING. Those ungodly hours again. Don't know where I'm heading to next tho. Hmmm... Probably going to be medical based again since I'm already done with a surgical posting. Which pretty much means I'm going to be in medical next. We shall see. Will apply for my EOP leaves soon tho. Was initially planning to get a trip up to Penang again, but with the CMCO again right now, don't think that will actually happen at all.

Next, let's talk about this CMCO. It is honestly a big ass joke. Work from home is pretty much mandatory. Fine I get that. We get to dine in which is good and good for business all around. What I don't get is we can't watch movies in cinemas yet malls remain open. People still go to the malls and if you are really putting a CMCO in effect, and the mall cluster is the biggest in Selangor, why do u even bother to keep the CMCO on? Cinemas are dying, people are losing their jobs, cases are still on the rise, politicians still be fighting over power at these times. honestly this CMCO is going nowhere in my opinion and is making everyone's lives hard, other than the politicians, who are still enjoying life from all the meetups and dinners and shit. It's so disheartening to see people getting retrenched left right and centre. So either u go for a complete lockdown again, or suffer economic burnout for dragging out this CMCO. Unpopular opinion, open up CMCO and get life to continue as usual. That way everyone gets primary immunity, while u make sure the susceptible population stay home and protected, in a way. Sounds good on paper but will probably involve alot of deaths lol. I mean, better than dragging this shit out and looking at Sabah collapsing is just, sad. It's real sad. 

In other news, Abigail and I talked recently again after like a month of not talking? Partially cause she is happily with someone else now and I don't wanna stir shit up by being that ex who constantly keeps in touch with their ex. Just causes alot of unnecessary drama especially for some people who aren't keen on exes being friends. It's honestly been a year plus of being single now and can't lie that I don't look back at the past 4-5 years. Housemanship has been tough as u can read from my blog posts. Thought it would be ok for me since I considered myself a happy go lucky person, but I guess it's finally taking a toll on me in a way. I do have moments that I dread going to work, even if this is only my second posting and I tend to do OK in the hospital? I can't even explain why exactly I feel that way, probably cause of the fear of MOs berrating at me, I dunno. The workload in Shah Alam is no joke as well due to the increased patient visits so that's hard. Back to the relationship part, people keep asking me do I not see anyone that interests me in the hospital? Back in Sungai Buloh probably 1 or 2, but they are unavailable or can't due to complex religious issues (which I really don't want to revisit). So, short answer would be no, no one, Plus, probably not alot of people's cup of tea. I'm literally a stick right now, being like 55kg, lost about 5kg since HO started, no thanks to the amazing meal times I have (oh wait they pretty much don't exist).  Also, probably another reason is the fact that I'm probably immature in alot of people's eyes. I'm the guy who skips down the hallway flinging my arms here and there like I don't care about anything in the world, which is partially true cause I don't actually care what other people think of me that much, which serves as a double edged sword. So until someone really likes me, I'll probably be single for a while. Can't say its nice cause over the course of HOship, was hoping that I have someone close to rant to, to just hang out and forget about the hospital for a bit. Don't know if its the MCO or what, but that's even hard to come by, just like a good ol hug ya know.

More on the part where I tend to look back at past memories. Probably people who really know me know that I'm a person that likes to hold on to memories. I still have a box specifically for Abby and I's relationship with all the tickets, the souvenirs and stuff all in it. That's the problem. I think I live too much in the past. I think about the trips we go to in Singapore eating food, the places that I brought her to eat here in Malaysia, even while jogging I think about that 10km Mo Run in Dublin. It's bad for me. It honestly is because I'll be the person longing for things to go back to then while everyone else has moved on. I still have picture of JY and me stored up in another box, but she is already happy with her current bf as well. Everyone moved on and I'm the dumbass holding on to those moments and not letting go. I think the problem would be me cherishing those moments a bit too much, that I constantly like relive those moments while doing anything that is similar to those moments. Really need to start looking forward. I watch so many Singaporean Youtubers as well like NOC Food Kings, our grandfather story, Eatbook etc. It gets hard cause I start wondering when can I go to Singpoare again. Now, there just isn't any reason to anymore and its hard. I am unsure that I miss the city or miss the relationship, Anyhow, Abigail has moved on, JY has moved on (not that we ever started even lol). It really is time for me to move on.

So hopefully I end on a good note here in Hospital Shah Alam. It is a nice place but just needs getting used to their systems again. Will update when I'm feeling more pensieve again. Till then, take care, don't get Covid. Love y'all. :)

As usual I try to end with some photos now so, here goes! :DD Last few days in O&G HSB :)

With probably my favourite shift of nurses in HSB LR, feat the all helpful and wonderful Kak Mutiara!!!

The O&G original housemen (post-Covid 1st wave hehe) with our completed logbooks!!

The original UM peeps all postcall hehe miss u peeps!

With Dr. Ainaa and Dr. Ain who helped my logbook so much ahaha

Suraya, miss first poster that we have became quite good friends :)

Final oncall shift people!!

Last photo of us trying to at least social distance HAHAHA

That's all folks. See ya next time :)