Week 2 of housemanship (adding some photos again cause its fresher that way :D)

Hello non-existent people who still bother to look out for this blog! It's been two months since the last update hehe I'll see how much can I actually fit into here.

So general update, I have started my housemanship now and it's been 2 weeks now. Let's recap the whole journey then from february where I was still working in Circuit Communications. Went back to work there from January just to help out for some stuff. I was working and just got to writing some articles for doctor on call, and suddenly, THE EMAIL CAME! Ok, the email was basically telling us when the eho fight will be, the next day which is a Tuesday 18th Feb. Yes. KKM was so amazing that they gave out the email ONE DAY before eHO opens. Just amazing. Good thing I already caught wind of the proposed date (which was originally Wednesday 19th Feb lul) and told Angela that my last day working was Monday. Honestly, that Monday night I still didn't have a clue on where I wanted to go. There were so many choices in my head. Do I want to go through with my Sabah plan? Do I want to be near home instead, seeing as KKM isn't exactly handing out permanent MO posts on a silver plate anymore... If near home where? UM? Shah Alam? Sungai Buloh? I did consult Nelson on Hospital Sungai Buloh the night before and he did bring up some good points about it. So I started a list and watched some videos on telegram on how others did it. My final list in the end was this:

1) PPUM
2) Hospital Sungai Buloh
3) Hospital Tuanku Ja'afar, Seremban
4) Hospital Serdang (just cause I have a friend there xD)
5) Hospital Kajang (cuz i have 2 lovely seniors there)

Went on Tuesday with Michelle to SS15 at about 10am plus and had breakfast while our nerves were settling in. Met up with Syabana and Aqilah at the cyber cafe and prepped ourselves. Filled in the autofill, downloaded the extensions and just waited. The wait was very nerve breaking tbh, especially after 11:50am. At 11.58am, everyone was already spam entering their details. Then, the crashes start to slowly happen as the time creeped to 12pm. Enter, fail, enter, fail, enter, crash, next tab, repeat. Finally went in after a slight crash and refresh, and the first page filled in everything and then it had an error. THE BLOODY PHONE NUMBER. First of all, it's autofilled by the system so we didn't have to actually type it in, and the house number wasn't compulsory. The red circles was around the house number and phone number. So in the moment of panic, I filled in my house number, which STILL didn't work lol. Turns out, it was my phone number, lacking a 0 infront of the 017, so is 17 instead... LIKE WHY. but fine, filled it in, next page, A levels, 2014, next page, ALRIGHT LETS PICK!

PPUM, 4 kekosongan.

Click, Tick, Hantar. MAAF. shit.

Out, look at my list, look at the list, Hospital Sungai Buloh (22 kekosongan).

Click, Tick, Tahniah. phew.

Not really the final page but went back to snap a photo of this lul

By 12.03, most of the people were already done with their choices, the girl opposite me with BOTH her parents got her wanted hospital, HTJ seremban. Mix of sighs of relief and sighs of disappointment around the CC. Mixed feelings for everybody. Now I picked HSB knowing fully that it was a Covid centre, which is part of the attracting factor for me. Cause it's definitely something still kinda new and being there would open my eyes to how a pandemic changes the operations. Oh how did I know that Covid would change my life so much. It was a one month break between eHO and the Program Transformasi Minda so I spent the month just chilling, finishing The Witcher game, and all around prepping the documents and chop for working in Sungai Buloh. Also, had a really fun outing with Zi Ning in SS15 that lasted a good 6 hours without even realizing it hahahah. Hung out with choir gang too at Melanie's house for good lasagna (This was CNY time).

Much fun le outing hehe :D

CNY Melanie house gathering

District Flare +1 :D

Steamboat with Brendon and Mai in 1 Utama.

Fast forward 3 weeks, Covid 19 cases were slowly increasing and things were getting more serious, with talks of lockdowns, borders closing coming in, panic buying toilet papers? (don't ask me why, I still don't understand. Some say toilet papers can make makeshit masks but I still don't buy that). I got my PTM location, EDC Hotel KL and somehow the PTM got changed from the normal 5 days to a shortened 3 days (again, very last minute announcement). This PTM location was shared between Sungai Buloh, Ampang and HTAR Klang. I went with Michelle and checked in to find that I'm sharing with 2 guys ( instead of 2 per room which I've been expecting dear god). Also, this time of Covid u wanna put 3 guys who god knows went where in the past week to sleep together in a small ass room? hmmm.... sure....

So, checked in at PTM and the timetable itself was kinda bullshit LOL. Check in time was 2pm, but they decided screw this, we shall allocate till 4pm for check in. LIKE WHY. So we sat there doing nothing for 2 hours... Mun Hon and I sat together with Michelle, Syabanna, Adli, and Muzakkir. There were a few interesting talks tbh, but I was nodding off half the time (in the front row mind you). Bad room experience as well cause someone just doesn't know how to shower with the curtains closed like WUT. You go in and then the floor outside the shower looks like a tidal wave passed by =.= are you kidding me...  Then, we get fed like 5-6 times a day. The food was decent, not bad, just didn't have that much appetite really. Their cafe did have a RM6.90 promotion on their chicken chop but we didn't manage to get it due to the constant food being fed lol.

But yeah, first night of PTM, suddenly they tell us, HSB people are being transferred to PPUM. I honestly have mixed feelings in me that time cause I was kinda looking forward to go HSB already. Another news, PTM was being cut short to Tuesday night, so 2 days of  PTM only. Doctors are expected to check in at their hospitals on Thursday (19 March). Everything just got put on a fast forward train to OMG SHIT IS GETTING REAL. The government also announced on Monday night that movement control order (MCO) will begin on Wednesday (18 March) where travel between states are restricted, everyone is advised to stay at home and most workplaces are off. Things are serious now. However, all these last minute announcements really screwed me up as well. Each hospital has a list of documents they need and I needed my photocopy shop to be open. Now UM is added to my list of worries as they need ANOTHER set of documents, jeeeezzzzzz. I had to drive around to find a shop to get my photocopy machine and to print my photos it was so horrible. In the end, I printed my photo on an A4 paper LUL (it worked btw).

Met a new friend there Esther who is gonna be in Hospital Ampang hehe :)

So Thursday, I drove to HSB for the first time in my life and got a first glance at it. It was really big and it looked quite spacious. Tbh, everything looked really nice cause I went to Penang hospital for the past 2.5 years, so anything is an improvement LOL. There were lanes for Covid patient set out which was kinda cool. Hospital was quite empty as HSB has now closed their doors to any non Covid cases. We went there and guess what, they tell us stay here first, UM not sure if they want you. LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL joke. JOKE. After filling out the forms, by noon they said now u can go UM already. So travelled back to PJ, bought ipoh chicken rice in front of CHS hehe for old times sake and went to UM. Didn't know where to parked so parked on top of ED. 2.5 hours cost me RM5 wew cray cray. But first day nothing much, just got our emails and passwords and basic set ups. The orientation was also the shortest in UM history, being only 2.5 days. The next 2 days were just lectures on basic stuff (that i dozed off for, in the front row again LOL).

Paeds batch woohoo! :)

So, I started my UM journey in Paediatrics, ward 8PB with Ain. The others in paediatrics were Mark, Shing Li, Nadiah, and Shanna. 2 in each ward. Apparently I was in the old ward of Zu Yao's sister and she dropped a message to my sis saying it's a good ward xD I'm still like I'll judge by the time I go to the ward hehe. Turns out it was the best ward I could ever ask for to start my housemanship, especially in paeds hehe. It is a cardio and respi ward, with lodgings by ophthal, ent. I walked in and I met up with some housemans and it only took me a few days to kinda really blend in with them which is great. One level above I get my lovely medical officers Dr. Yeoh, Dr. Mukmin and Dr Sa'adah. They can be tough when needed but they are open for discussions and teachings which encourages me to just try and present or discuss answers cause I won't get bombed down so fast. It was amazing. Then, one level above are my specialists Dr. Lim and Dr Chan. Dr Lim is the neurology specialist who tickles our brain with loads of questions regarding the patient's chronic conditions. He also taught us slightly about ventilations and all so it was really fun. Dr. Chan meanwhile is more stern who requires loads of laptops (one care chart, one results, one type) but also likes to teach. He makes his assessments into teaching sessions for HOs and MOs alike. Seeming that this is a teaching hospital, maybe this is usual kot haha.

Sadly, once I really got close to my ward, 8PB was converted into a Covid ward out of a sudden, and we were all moved away. That was like when the nightmare begun. I was moved to 8PA with the patients for 2 days and it was not fun lol. Their MOs were not like ours and I got shouted at as well (for something that wasn't even about me, just the way I was standing LOL). Yeah, shit. Then they said that we have too many HOs and wanted to rest some of us at home, which initially was a wonderful news. HOWEVER, they changed it suddenly and said they are going to shove some HOs to ANOTHER hospital due to the lack of learning opportunities. FML. List came out, all of my batch in Paeds kena, even Nadiah who got her UM posting also was included. So now, I don't even know where I'm going, when I'm going, and how everything is going to work out lol. I was having fun working in 8PB and then now all of this is going to end again lol. PLUS I just got off tagged, and if we go to a new hospital, probably we will need to tag again. I crai. I really do crai. T.T

But yeah, so far its only like this I guess. Housemanship is still going on, only 2 weeks in, 1 year and 50 weeks to go lol. Other than that, probably nothing much to update haha. Still single, no blossoming relationship. I'm fine with that :) Till next time!

Year of Revelation

Only the second post of the year and it's only 4 days away till the start of a new decade. Yes, I've agreed so many times that I've slacked too much on my blogging habits it's just sad at this point.

I just finished my caroling session with The Singaholics after like 5 years of absence and the feeling was actually quite great. Think I needed it to reconnect with people from choir cause it certainly has been a while and the company was really good. The joy of performing as well. Gosh, it's been so long! Plus, it's fun to know a few new people like Shin Pey and Venice who are like super young hahaha compared to the old relics like Jie Ying, Ting Jia, Calvin and I. The whole process was definitely enjoyable! I even just realized that one of the pianists Julin was actually my childhood friend's sister. Which was like a major WTF moment when it came to light. Not to mention the 96s who basically planned the whole caroling gig together. Nice to try and get to know the juniors more like Hui Yi, Pei Lin, Xi Rong... Just to name a few la :D

Other than that, I worked 2 months in a PR firm and have been doing odd jobs here and there just to get some income and make me feel less guilty about staying home ya know. It's honestly nicer to have like a proper 9-5 job so that I can get into a routine unlike now where everything is like topsy turvy and it kinda feels like my life is a mess. But as I typed this blog post and procrastinated for the past few days, it is currently the last day of the year already. These past few days have been quite meh to be honest no thanks to my AGE episode I guess, not sure if it actually is just been pooping water. Yeah... it hasn't been the greatest.

So looking back at this year, I graduated medical school only to find out that the job prospect is getting shittier and shittier. Should I have applied back to Dublin? God knows honestly at this point. Might have regretted not applying but it would have meant another year waiting as well, so ok let's hope MOH treats me well next year.  (Midway typing this, it is now the 1st of January of 2020, this is how badly I procrastinate ladies and gentleman, it makes me wanna smack myself in the head. SO HARD) So career aspect wise, all I can do right now is cross my fingers and hope everything works out for me. I might not be the brightest kid out there (Vivien pretty much grounded all of us by just showing how incredible she is lol), but hell I should really put in the effort this year to actually push myself since the future is getting so bleak. I might be helping out my college to recruit some poor souls into the medical field as well for money so I guess I will update on how that is after a while.

Let's not forget the big "highlight" of this year was pretty much the breakup. Have to say adjusting life back to being single was definitely not the easiest thing. It was a void that had to be filled someway or somehow like you just lose someone you constantly talk to and share pretty much everything with. It's been like what 5 months since the breakup? Can't say that I'm 100% the same as I was before cause I dunno, still can't get over this spitefulness I have over Christianity. I just still can't get over the fact of the inferiority complex that surrounds it like jeez. I support all religions as pretty much no religion teaches bad things (this might be debatable), but it's like join us or perish in the fires of Tartarus. =.= Will really need to learn to get over this one day. Really. Think it's hurting the way I look at people too. Abigail and I are definitely still friends and I don't see a reason for us to stop being friends really, and she is busy with her houseman-ship too so all the best to all of us who are gonna go through the gauntlet! :D

Moving forward, I guess this year would definitely get worse and worse as it goes by cause, first of all, we still don't have our flying car hmmm... ok just a casual jibe at Wawasan 2020 to start off the future lul. OKAY! So yeah, houseman-ship starts in about 2 or 3 months. Am I ready for it? Probably not since I've pretty much forgotten a lot of stuff. The thing that scares me the most really is when I'm supposed to be on call in the ward alone with my MO being MIA, and a critical thing happens. This is why, I'm gonna make it a thing to actually revise all my blood investigation interpretations, especially ABGs and god don't even get me started on those blood taking skills. It will be awful. To the first few months of patients that will have to endure my tremor, I am so sorry. I do notice my tremors are getting more apparent, which does bring up more flags and hopefully it isn't due to hyperthyroidism which I've been suspecting for years just lazy to do any tests. So here is to hope that the tremor resolves itself by the time I start my houseman.

As for relationships, I guess I will see how life brings me about? I don't really know what to do now since I haven't actually confirmed where am I going to do my HO-ship. If the government is hell-bent on cutting my pay then of course I'll stay nearer to home, but if not probably I could still venture out. So that leaves the question hanging to if I even do get a girlfriend now, where would we end up? This whole doctor thing basically casts a giant question mark on my life so that's why I wanted my other half to at least be in the same field cause if not it's gonna be very difficult really. Am I seeing anyone now? No. Although just chilling and talking with someone now and see how the whole conversation goes. We shall see about this one haha, doesn't seem to be going anywhere tho xD Too long off this game I can't read signs anymore. Anyhow, can just be friends anyway hehe :) Slowly ba, 顺其自然. Everything should work out deee... hehe :D

I think that's all I have to say for now, it's nothing much really just decided to do some quick update about my life as part of my mini-reflection for the end of the year. In the end, this post didn't reveal as much reflection as much as I thought it would, partially cause I think I did it on my own when I was having my AGE episodes HAHAHA! Yeah, hopefully will get to more blog posting this year (pretty sure everyone would roll their eyes by looking at this now cause I've said it SO. MANY. TIMES) and to less procrastination definitely. See you guys real soon aite :) <3 p="">

起死回生了吧

觉得此刻说啥也没用了。部落格死了就是死了没借口了HAHA!! 这次回来时当然有目的的。看久了的人都知道，没大事或心里烦着事这里都不会有文章出现吧。这次也应该是有史以来第一次用华语来写，都有自己的原因的。还有，可能某些人会发现有一个post不见了。引起了太多纠纷，还是拿了下来吧。

有在跟我消息的人都知道我在都柏林读书的时候认识了一位新加坡女生，也随后作为我的女朋友。之后的4年都过得非常的幸福，虽然一年半后都是在LDR，当然的不是理想的画面吧。但是一向来从一开始就有一个问题就一直被扫到地毯下，双方都不想拿出来谈谈。明白的，真的是个敏感的问题吗。。。 大问题就出在宗教这儿吧。觉得其他问题别说先吧。

起初真的不觉得是什么大问题，反正我也用了2个月的时间来想好才正式和她告白的啊。他想去教堂他就去啊，反正话说到来没有宗教是教坏的东西的啊。当然，觉得全世界都懂基督教徒都是有一个想法，就是想要对方也是个基督教徒。第3个月在一起时，他也有问过我了，但我就打他一句：”如果我叫你改，你也不会改啊，怎么我一定要改呢？” 其实，现在想回去，说这也挺自私的吧。不知道是坚决理念，还是真的是自私。人家的宗教是需要这样的一个规则，反而我不合作就算了，还在为难人。但就那次过后，她再也不提了。我也有时候陪她去教堂。在爱尔兰的那段日子都真的是过得很不错的。只是，我在哪儿真的是很顾着省钱，所以真的是在那儿捎带她出去，就不如我的朋友们，那么的宠自己的女朋友。真是对不起。

如果你现在在怀疑为什么我那么坚决不转教，原因有几个。第一，我本身是拜观音的，小时体弱多病，妈妈也帮我拜了很多次，最终也做为了观音的干儿子。在我肚子出发状况时，都是由心里的观音在保佑的念头才熬得过的。所以对我来说，我真的看得蛮重的，是我心里的一大精神之柱。第二，就真的是觉得没这个必要啊。可是就一直觉得他们都一直默默地很想要我进基督教，所以到最后真的有了点反感。可是，他的新加坡教堂的人，真的是不错的。人都很好，也许是自己给自己的一种压力，觉得终是有种压迫感，就还一直问Abigail我转化成基督教的计划如何了。再加，我也不是说很赞同他们所说的某些道理。总之，我就是缺乏了对基督教的一种信仰。详细资料，我应该也不想再谈下去了。

LDR一旦开始了后，大家就有很多时间在自己做自己的东西，也有很多时间来想关于这份感情的终点。其实，她一直都有在像我们就近如何才能够最后在同一个地方在一起。说好了到最后我需要到新加坡做工。虽然心里是有点不舍，但是还是答应了，可是详细地怎么能到那儿工作还是个未知数，也就是他想搞清楚的一方面。我就比较吊儿郎当，就想考个MRCP才过去。女人最终也是要个安全感，而真的不想把未来当成个未知数，所以我们的想法也不一样了。

其实这4年真的过得非常好，吵架也很少。只是来了着一个东西也是难免的。旁观者清。朋友们有些都预料了这一个结果。本来是想证明给大家看，我们可以度过一切的，但也别再自欺欺人了。简单来说，他要的那一种生活我暂时是给不到的。现在大家都已经24岁了，也真的该为未来着想。既然我们的路相逢的机会真的不高，那么现在就断了吧。听起来真的觉得太可惜了，因为都觉得除了宗教和距离，我们都还蛮配的。所以，就记住这日25/7/2019，我们双方就和平分手了。分开时，哭的要死不死，难看死了。但就永远会记住这4年，过的每一个好时光，每一个难关，一起挣扎的日子。看回去，都还蛮值得的。:)

芝慧，其实还有蛮多东西是想和你一起做的，但是可能缘分真的那么不够吧。这一个blog post 也是用了2个星期的时间来写的。写时感触很多，想的东西也特别多，所以真的不能完全把想出的每一部分都一一写下。你看，都过了差不多2个星期了，我也算过得还好了。挂念着过去的美好时光，笑一笑，开心曾今拥有的那一时，该时候往前看了。今年的生日，恐怕也又再没得和你过了，至少和你拍了张生日照片吧呵呵。。。真的想对你说的话还有蛮多的，但有缘再和你一起慢慢聊吧。永远都还是个好朋友 :)

Look who is breaking their promise LOL

Well, someone said that they would be more active in writing blog posts but obviously someone lied LOL. Now that I''m back in here typing my heart away, obviously means that I have something to say.. well not really to be honest, just kinda came here to type, senselessly... Typing without limitations is definitely fun.

I recently just finished reading Yee Pei's wordpress (equivalent of her blog) and I seriously admire her for having the determination to update her blog often. Plus, with pictures. I used to do that long time ago, but uploading pictures and positioning them was a bit of a pain as time went by few years ago, so I think I just gave that part of blogging up. Instead, most of the pictures are either on Facebook, Instagram, or my trusty hard drive. Sometimes, I do reconsider putting my photos back on blogger but laziness just takes over. Plus, my chapter in Dublin has come to an end, so my life back here is boring and basically a routine. So, technically there really isn't much to photograph about. I'm tired enough living this life, no way I would document this dull everyday life. Also, something that I noticed from her word press is her words are powerful enough to touch every reader, well at least she gets to me. I read back at mine and sure it does bring back memories which is great and all, but it doesn't really touch the readers (if anyone is even reading any of this shiz).  There goes a much better blogger.

One thing that triggered me to write this blog post was the part where she met up with Brandon over the summer and there was a short introduction about how they met (it was in Prague through me) and they never stopped talking through whatsapp from that day onwards. That got me thinking, I never actually have a friend that I continuously talked to for the past few years. Maybe my gf yes but not like friends. Sure people say that I am sociable and I have loads of friends yes, but do I truly have like a super best friend or just someone that I constantly talk to? I honestly don't think so. My social circle just restarts every time a milestone in life is achieved. I move around so much that I don't even contact the old friends, only from time to time, but there just isn't any like constant communication going on. I mean it is nice to have a lot of friends and being able to mix in with almost everyone, but it sure is nice to have a group of friends that you grow up with since young and that you are really close to that person. If only I had that someone :( I definitely have met a lot of great friends throughout my life that helped me in my life and I'm really grateful, but for some reason they tend to come and go alot.. It might be me, I don't know. Yeah, but it feels good to bring them together hue hue hue.

In other news, nothing much has happened really. Same old same old going to hospitals and going to class. I just finished my ophthalmology and ENT rotation and that was pretty fun. It was nice to be able to focus on a system alone, although I got like really lazy halfway through, I'm still enjoying this part of it. Abigail and I are doing fine as well, although we have a bit of trouble trying to arrange a time to meet up during December. We both don't have much time for the December breaks and I also wanna make time to travel with my family. In June my family wanted to go travel but I wasn't free as I booked those dates to go to Singapore instead so this time I feel obliged to let them decide first. So there's that, will be updated. Also, I was supposed to go to Lenggong for a MyOHUN camp but suddenly PMC had no more transports available to bring us there, so there was a problem lel. They literally just told me now and airplane tickets cost a bomb now, so I guess I will be spending my Awal Muharam weekend in Penang then :/ Haven't went home for a couple of months now, just need to wait for a while more then.. Loads of presentations have passed and luckily I just have to focus on getting my mood to study back now haha! I think thats about it for now, although my family and I did went to Hatyai for my birthday, I think I will write another one for that :/

Love you peeps and thank you for continuing to read!

August has dawned upon us.

I know i know, updating a blog seems to be quite a task nowadays. Since someone is pushing me to update I might as well do hehe... Its already August and I'm officially a 4th year medical student. Got the results for the exams that I took at the end of the 3rd year, and I have to say they were pretty decent actually haha! Nothing too bad and like out of the ordinary. Knew I wouldn't score so well for Medicine anyway pshh..

Since 4th year started, I've realized like a distinct difference between the me now and the me last sem. I tend to do more reading then I would have done, although I have to admit it is still lacking. There are alot of basic stuff that I was supposed to know, but somehow I just can't seem to remember them, only bits and pieces of everything. So, will definitely have to work harder at that point. Housemate updates! Well Mun Hon is studying really hard now due to the 2 week rotations of Medicine. Its like everytime he is back, his head will be in the books HAHA! Well, lets not forget him reading bout the Bible as well, so more and more reading. I am definitely not as hardcore as that, DOTA is still going on in my life especially now that TI season is here. Contemplating on buying the Rubick arcana if he wins, cause you know, if i buy means I wanna play more, which I am not sure if I have the time for... But we will see.. Denzel and David are in the ENT and Ophthalmology rotation now so that's like super easy for them anyway. So yeah, everyone in this house has gone abit serious on studies. I dunno, I might be the last one to be serious HAHA..

Abigail wise, she made a surprise visit to Penang with her mum and Abielle for a good 2 days. It was definitely a short visit and I wish she could have stayed longer but unfortunately it wasn't exactly possible. The 2 weeks we spent together was heavenly definitely. Met each others parents... Then I really got to thinking, this is going to go on for another 5-6 years at least. Everything in the future is so uncertain its quite hard to promise anything at this point. I wanna keep this going as long as possible but sometimes it just seems really hard. I don't really show that part cause I prefer to be the stronger one but too much thinking hurts the soul sometimes. Owh well, I guess I'm happy I have good friends to help me along the way :p. To say I'm lonely here, nah definitely not, but definitely not that happy I guess... Feels like sometimes I'm lacking someone to truly talk to like face to face. Abigail is only a skype call away I know, but sometimes it just feels different. Hmm, I dunno lel. Thinking too much again. Anyway, hope everything can still go on strong as ever. December will definitely be the next challenge :/

Jason and I are getting closer now thanks to us both being in Badminton Club's committee! Its been a blast so far in that club cause at least I can promise myself to be active for at least once a week lel. The sweating feels are definitely amazing. The RCSI bunch are always fun to hang out with sometimes. I just can't wait till Brendon, Kisho and Andrew come back for real. LIKE PLEASE FASTER LA AND DON'T YOU GUYS DARE NOT COME BACK.

I guess thats all for now, I can't think of anything else more to update :P Till next time, love you guys :)

Month of realization

May is coming to an end and I am officially a 4th year student now. We had 2 final written exam papers and an OSCE to close out this amazing 3rd year. Looking back at these 4 months, I am quite happy with what I achieved although I could have done way better. Lets focus on academics first before we explore other parts of my life.

Academics have been a constant roller coaster for me. Everything I think I know enough, out comes more things to further bamboozle me. Surgery rotation was fairly straight forward for me. The signs are there, diagnose based on history and signs, straightforward. Pain here, should be this this this., pain there with this characteristics, lessen the chance of some ddx. It was a really tiring rotation for me though, 5 BSTs each week. Plus, the first rotation was when everyone at home was still hyped to leave the house at 6.30am to avoid the 'jam' at Jalan Gottlieb.which I soon find out its not that bad and you just add like a good 5 minutes to your trip lol. Plus, all this can be skipped if you go through Jalan Burma there. Owh well, you learn things anyway. I got a OK result (personal standards) of 60 for Surgery long case which I was happy with. After all that business, it was really weird going to family medicine which comprises of almost nothing.. You really don't need to do alot of stuff. There is just a house visit, and reading about cases you see in the GP or KK. This light workload infected me as I began to slack and really do nothing much. I just kinda slacked off alot. Did well for the case review with Dr.Chean and I really have to thank her as she was so nice!!! However, I did screw up on my video taking assessment. I didn't get to close the session as 5 minutes just passed by like that, plus the patient's (actress) speech speed did not help at all lol. After that, it was back to clerking in wards and aiming for them 10 cases for Medicine. I realized I lost abit of my history taking skills and examination skills. So I tried taking it seriously. That only lasted for a week. I burned out. I honestly did. There were loads of factors to that, but that's another story. Basically, I kinda lost touch with studies, tried but just had no mood, had really really frequent mood swings, plus was starting to feel abit anti-social. I just didn't wanna talk to anyone, just wanna think by myself, which is exactly what I will do when I get home for this month. I really need to orientate myself before the next semester to prevent another meltdown. In the end, I didn't score as well as I thought I would in the long case examination - 55. Alex and Rachel did cheer me up a bit. I mean the result was average. Basically, you met everything, but no exceeds. I guess I would have been fine with the result if I didn't stay with absolute geniuses. One of them scored 70 and another got 75. I was really unhappy that day. I clerked, presented with confidence, only to find out the diagnosis was based on a single sign that I did not pick up hence, the diagnosis was way off. Although, since I'm here at this topic, would like to thank Prof.Yeow as well, cause without her I wouldn't have learned so much, just you know, sad it had to happen during a long case examination. Final examinations were fine for surgery but terrible for medicine. By that time, I was yearning for it to be over already that I couldn't really focus. Slept for the first third of the exam and then realize I only know half the paper LOL. Yeah, but that final paper was only 5 marks for the final year anyway, so I didn't really care about it that much. It just shows how much I still need to know. Basically, I could have worked harder for this semester and I know that, but more will be explained on the next few segments.

Next, and probably the most important, psychologically. This aspect was where I realized the most things while I was having my burnout. Firstly, I'm pretty sure everyone notices this. I am quite an emotional person. My emotions can run free and are easily influenced by everyone around me. If I don't like someone, I show it, and I bet that person can feel it. It's like the most obvious thing in the world lol. So yeah, during this past month, I realized I get way too worked up on how people around me act. I get influenced way too easily. I realized that I need to stop sulking or complaining about how people act. I need to accept people for who they are, and not sulk about them. Even if I were to sulk, its better to tell them up front about it then keep everything in me. Although I know sometimes its a lost cause, so there really isn't any point in telling them. I know I'm not the easiest person to be friends with as well due to my constant mood swings and sometimes-overly-harsh-comments. Let's not forget my ego which I'm still still learning to keep check off lol. This is exactly why I say I still need to work on my social skills. I can hurt people with my words very easily without knowing it. So, still learning hehe. Also, the rise of depression cases are kinda taking a toll on me i guess. I myself have no problem with depression, but its more of the friends around me. Everyone seems to be getting hit quite hard. 2 things I've noticed about it is the incidence on women are like way way up there compared to guys, and family plays a big role in depression. For the women stat, I really don't know why but thats just the way it is, at least that's whats happening around me. Family wise, I just kinda think some people weren't meant to have a family. A family's upbringing sets the children for life. Is it the asian attitude? Is it the hard way of showing love that screws it up? I don't know. I tried talking to some of my friends and I am so grateful that they opened up to me, but they are on the verge of giving up trying to feel better. Counselling only works to a certain extent, being in medical school taught me that meds don't exactly help, and the support that they dearly need is hard to come by. Everyone is too busy with their own lives that no one stops to notice these small little cries for help. I don't blame them, we scroll through our own FB page and sometimes we dismiss all these as "attention-seekers". What if these attentions are worth giving compared to some influencers on instagram or the Internet. I'm not saying we should pay every attention we have on all these small statuses and what the internet influencers are doing are wrong, but it doesn't help to stop and talk from time to time. Just give some time for them, it won't hurt. Although, you have to be careful of it as well. I had a few moments of downness from empathizing too much with my friends. You just feel helpless like there really isn't much you can do. I would just do as much as I can as a friend, cheer them up when they need it, and leave the rest to themselves and the professionals. It just angers and surprises me that this issue is still getting so little attention. No one cares, they all say. This "depression is just a phase thing" is a thinking within the Asian community that really needs to change, like it is annoying for me. I just hope someone picks this up and it inspires anyone reading this to look out for your friends around you. I just hope to raise a lil bit of awareness around the world!

Owh, and for my relationship status, yes everything is still going well with me and Abigail! We don't skype as often as everyone thinks maybe cause the timing is really just not right, but we text each other everyday and you know, all is well! We love each other and we will see each other really soon! Love you if you are reading this Abby!! (Less than 3, (coding issues hard to put the real thing lol)

So, I shall end this post with some hope that my next semester will be much more smoother and everything can go my way xD Will wanna come home more often cause you know home is amazing and yeah, till next time peeps :)

Reviving dead blog.. Long process

Hey there peeps. I know. Its been a good half a year since my last post and even that was a very very vague post. SO hours after Abby just announced that my blog was dead, here I am trying to revive this. This is partially due to my recent shower thoughts. I thought back about my primary school self on how I dreamed of keeping this blog till I am an adult so that I can just read back about what happened in my life. I know as med school went on I just got more and more inactive on this blog. I don't know, the fire that was once in me to drive me to pour everything out on this digital blog has declined massively. Probably cause life isn't as easy to pen down as it was 7 years back.

Anyway, quick update on life! Abigail and I have passed the 2 year mark. Yeah life won't be easy for the next few years but I am very convinced that we can break through for the next few years. As we know, there is no definite for our relationship in the future, since our paths don't converge unless we want them to. Sacrifices and compromises will be made, we will just have to work everything out. Don't worry, will try my best to get this going as far as it will. Hopefully till the end hehe xD. Also, doing the last rotation of Res 1 which is medicine! So far, 2 of my housemates have scored really well for this rotation and it kinda gives this unspoken pressure. I dunno, I kinda expect myself to do well if they do well, but I know I definitely have not worked as hard as they have (although they keep saying they don't study which is utter bs) I just come home so tired everyday that I am actually considering 7pm coffees. Will try them next week and will see how it goes haha! Hopefully I am tired enough to just like kaput at night.

Penang has been really different than Ireland. Like no joke. Things are much more intensive here, them tutorials, the useless MPU classes, the tough lectures where the slides don't really give the whole story. Owh and the never ending reminder from the lecturers that we are supposed to be well equipped with all the anatomy, pathology and all, All I can think of at this point was just like shit. I dunno anything! HAHA! The more time I spend in Penang the more I feel like the past 2.5 years was more like a holiday than anything. Sure some knowledge was gained but did they stick, or the 15 hour flight back burned all of them as plane fuel LOL. I dunno hopefully everything would be better? I definitely am working harder now that I am back partially cause like the reality hits you. The patients have expectations, the lecturers have expectations, the RCSI peeps have expectations. WOOHOO SO MUCH EXPECTATIONS TO FULFILL.ALL AROUND. I hope I can do as well as the others, but definitely I have a mountain to climb.

I think thats it for now, nothing much to add. Housemates are great, been some minor problems here and there but its all good. Everything is still amazing haha! Will update more when I can think of more things to write here, but for now I think this is about it. Definitely feels good to be back here :) If only abigail was back here with me, if only she was malaysian... HAHA!! That would make so many things much much much easier xD Alright see you peeps, love you to whoever is still reading this :)

Lazy and Busy? (excuses)

Haha the amount of cobwebs on this blog is like infinite lol. ANYWAY, short update, MSoc Gala just passed and Abby and I won best couple yay! So yeah, dressed up, took loads of photos. Just gonna share Maria and Domi's video on my blog so I can look back anytime I want xD



I know its super short, but I'm sick and I dunno what to write for now, so yeah. love u guys, bb xD

Session 2 almost over!

           Typing this from my office on a rainy day where my assistant director Kelly isn't in hehe. Hello peeps, after a whole month, here I am again! Although blogger's statistics shows that absolutely no one from Malaysia nor Ireland nor Singapore is reading my blog, I will still try and keep it up cuz I'm doing this for myself more than anything else lel.

 So second intersession is coming in 4 more days and I’m heading to the city of Philadelphia for 3 days 2 nights! (Although it’s only like 1 and a half days tbh LOL.) The first intersession I followed a lot of people to Seaside Heights where I got to see the famous Jersey Shore! I always thought it was just a MTV show name and not an actual place, guess I was wrong! It was really nice walking along the boardwalk experiencing the American shore life with arcades and pizza parlors by the sea. What shocked me the most is I had to pay to enter the beach! Like what. 8 whole freaking dollars. It was a good thing that the hostel that I was staying at gave out free beach passes, although they were limited to like 4 per room and my room had like 8 people LOL! I shared a bed with Maria and Dominika from Poland and Yaritza from Mexico while the other king sized bed was shared by the Hungarians (Orsi, Daniel and Sofi). I got a tan and a magnet from that intersession and got to know some people a little better than expected which wasn’t necessarily a good thing. It was a really cool (and quite expensive) trip! Spent almost 200 dollars I think, quite annoying that I had to spend so much but I had a really great time there so it was all worth it kinda haha :D It was my first time in a party house in America with loads of red solo cups so the feel is just extra good lel, not to mention the make out and shits going on in the rooms all over the house haha, living the full American life. 

        Overall it was a great experience la!! Hopefully the 2^nd trip will be better although it’s a smaller group travelling this time. Plus, this philly trip is purely exploring and all, so it would be like any trip of mine where I just hope to cover as many places as possible xD

I don’t believe I covered my pre camp trip yet lel. Well I went to Buffalo and the Niagara Falls which was really eye opening. Like the general public said, the Canada side would have had a greater view, but it’s a much more close up view of the falls from the American side. Too bad one of the viewing deck was closed, cause that deck had a really great view L. To be fair, buffalo didn’t had much to offer during my short stay there, so it was kind of a meh city for me, just to stopover for Niagara Falls, so 24 hours in Buffalo ended with a rainy dash from my great hostel to the bus station. I took a megabus from Buffalo to New York that lasted roughly 9 hours. I tried to sleep along the way which was mostly successful except for the fact that the kid beside me spilled a whole big pack of Skittles, so I was stepping on skittles all journey long. Good thing was the bus had a working wifi equipped so that was great hehe :D. So I reached New York at 7am with a slight drizzle to welcome me to the big apple! It was a great feeling, like im finally here in this great city. Walked around, saw Times Square with no one there at all due to it being really early, Maddison Square Garden, M&M World and decided it was best to check in first cause I was really tired. Before that, I had Subway for breakfast first haha! I put my bags at the hostel and rested for about 2 hours before starting to discover New York fully. I took a metro back to Times Square and started wondering around, sang in a karaoke competition by American Standard. Did so badly omg can’t believe I got the wrong key for like 75% of the song T.T. Anyway still got a small gift bag for that, not too bad haha! I went to the HBO store which was small but quite cool to look at all the GOT merchandise which were quite pricey. Next stop was Grand Central Station which was really cool as scenes from Madagascar and all those disaster movies were running through my head. I had a Shake Shack burger there for lunch which was not cheap at all but tasted so good hehe! After that, I stopped by the NY Public Library but I realized I was too tired to really walk around so just sat down and used the WiFi lel. Went out and started walking towards the Green Line Park which was freaking amazing. It used to be a railway track which is then converted into a park which was really modern and pretty. Had a really nice rest and went to try the famous artichoke pizza and it was freaking delicious. It was my first time tasting artichoke and yet it tasted so good!! Then, I continued my walk down the west side of Manhattan along the pier and just decided to take a 30 minute nap on one of the benches cause at that point my feet was aching like a bitch from walking all day long with no proper rest from walking all day at Buffalo as well HAHA! After that nap, walked again to finally reach the 911 memorial, continued to Wall Street, took a pic with the charging bull, got to the park near the end (which I think is called Battery Park) and decided against taking the ferry to the Statue of Liberty thing, didn’t think it was worth it… walked around summore, took a couple of pics of the Brooklyn Bridge and then decided to take the metro back to the hostel to rest. I was really proud of myself for being able to walk so much of Manhattan hehe :D I was really close to Chinatown when I was near Brooklyn Bridge and there is a great char siew rice stall in there somewhere but I was too tired to actually go there. Should have dabaoed and have that for dinner in the hostel. Instead, there was a Chinese food place near the hostel. It was quite famous apparently cuz its been visited by famous chefs lel. Had it for dinner and lunch the next day. It was really good! Visited Central park the next day but that was about it, cuz I travelled to camp after the walk in the park.

            That was a month ago. I’ve had loads of fun and frustrating times since then, camp has been generally a great place, although some things I wish could have changed. I prepare the schedules everyday, do some paperwork every session, answer calls, make calls, all those things. Truthfully, I can’t wait to go back to Dublin and just sleep in my own bed, not worrying bout mosquitos, cook my fried rice and shizz, just enjoying life and wait for Abigail to go back to Dubs so that we can just chill for a while till class starts. Ahh, that chill life. Can’t wait. Another thing is I think US is quite an expensive place sometimes, can’t wait to just go home and spend less haha!! I think that’s all I have to say for now and my hands are getting pretty tired. So I think I will just stop here. Love you guys so much and can’t wait to get home!! <3 o:p="">

Happy days in CHB :D

CHB stands for Camp Homeward Bound by the way haha! So here I am typing away on my very own desktop in the office shack of CHB. I've been here for almost 4 days now and things are really going great! Camp is great (other than the mosquitoes and them bugs), and they serve really great food! Dunno why but I was having quite low expectations seeing its a summer camp in the middle of nowhere but the chefs are really good. Wish I can learn a few stuff from them before heading back so that I don't get stuck on the same bloody recipes for my last semester in Dublin HAHA!!

Part of the reason I'm typing this blog is to make myself more familiar with the keyboard I'm having now. It certainly requires more effort to type, so it kinda sucks compared to my laptop, but owh well, can't choose now can I HAHA! Wish I had my laptop with me haiz... Wi-Fi is kinda restricted in this area along with close to no reception. We have a big lake which is shared with like 4 other camps (I think?) and it s really cooling to swim in the lake on a hot ass day. Met my bosses Bev, Kelly, Seamus, and Sparrow, all really wonderful people. First few days ehre have been spent cleaning up the office, trying to make it as functional and comfortable as possible. So hopefully everything pans out well before the first session. Staff training is in 2 days so I'm defo looking forward to that. Other than that, been looking at outlets around New York and hopefully I get to go these outlets to get stuff for me and my friends.

I haven't actually got my plans figured out for this blog post so random things might just appear out of nowhere cuz I'm literally just typing whatever comes to mind. Haha! First night here was absolutely freezing, so KB, a South African returnee who was really ncie to me, got me a sleeping bag from a mall nearby when he was on his off day. I was really touched by it haha! Seems like someone was watching over me and it was cool :) Other than that, been reading the books in the library. Some great series are here so I might be just stuffing my head in books all summer since the limited Wi-Fi, plus maybe learn a few things from the camp nurses while I'm here :D Heck, i even downloaded Robbin's Pathology online to try and do some reading in case I am ever too bored HAHA!

I guess thats all for now, love this place so far, busted a wheel on my luggage bag from moving it on a rocky terrain, other than that, all is well :D See u guys real soon hehe BAIIII <3 p="">
MISS EVERYONE LOADS ESPECIALLY MY FAMILY AND MY GF :D

Post Exam Life

Sorry I haven't been updating for a while, been real busy with exams and post exam activities and all that bullcrap. Technically I'm just wasting away my life at home these few days. Almost everyone has left the house for their home countries, but here I am, stuck in my room writing this blog post which god knows who even reads these. My after exam plans went quite well at first I guess haha! Abigail only had 3 days to spend after exam so the plans were made to maximize these 3 days I guess?

First, we went for our post anniversary date haha! (It was postponed due to the unfortunate near exam date) We went the night we finished our papers to Talbot 101. A restaurant on Talbot Street which may be reservations only? Don't really know. We booked ahead and got a 3 course meal each for 25 euros haha! (got it off Groupon). To say the truth, I was kinda stuffed after the appetizer HAHAHA!! Partially cause we had like a huge ass bowl of spaghetti pesto for lunch with like a bunch of parmesan cheese. Guess what I had for the appetizer, cheese sample platter! HAHAHA! WTF! It was my first time tasting hummus and it was really delicious like no joke!! Had the steak for my main course which was quite brilliant, and chocolate lava cake for dinner. Spent almost 3 hours for dinner HAHA!! Then, went back to my place for Brendon's chill out dinner with half of the party knowing that I went out for my anniversary meal lol. The day after that I went to town for lunch with Brendon and joined Abby and Andrew to shop for a bit. We played Left 4 Dead at home for abit that night. The next day, Abby and I went to Dun Laoghaire after planning it since last semester HAHA! Tbh, that place was quite a letdown for me, there really wasn't anything great about that place and I would prefer Howth over it, but meh, its the company that counts hehe :D We walked on the pier, went for lunch in The Sunshine Cafe and went to scrumdiddlys for some diabetic ice cream and rocky road combo. HAHA! Didn't even finish it, we threw like a quarter of it away cuz it was simply too sweet. NOTE THAT WE SHARED THAT CUP AND SOME PEOPLE EVEN BOUGHT ONE EACH LIKE HOW DO U EVEN TAKE IN SO MUCH SWEETNESS LOLOL. We were almost late to the movie as we speed shopped in A&F for Cyrus and Cephas's gift. Made me kinda annoyed cuz I wanted her to put her family first and get their gifts instead of going to Dun Laoghaire with me, I dunno, made me feel guilty of some sort? meh. Anyway, we were almost late to the cinema just to find out that alot of people were late too LOL. After claiming them tickets I just left 3 of them at the ticket counter for Claire, Nic and Brendon (who was late cuz he was doing GNIB for the entire day). Civil War was quite good I guess, but couldn't really enjoy it well enough cuz guess who had a small stomach ache in the middle LOL. After that, Arisu with Brendon, Andrew and Abby. Helped Abby pack and spend the next day with her at her house before she flew off. Her taxi driver to the airport was Ghurmit Singh HAHAHA! LMFAO. Got alot of food from her lel. Miss her already haizzzz!

So now, I'm just chilling around till the day I fly to New York. For those who don't know, I'm spending my summer working in Camp Homeward Bound which is based in New York, about an hour plus from NYC. Will be there for about 2 month plus. Apparently this camp has near to no wifi LOL, so I'll only have wifi access once a week during my day off. Won't get to Skype my family or Abigail but owh well, sacrifices have to be made :/ Other than that, I have a housemate who seriously don't think things through, like how do you do these things before you think. He rented his room out for the summer, and without discussing with us beforehand. First there is the key problem which is kinda universal, and a stranger alone in OUR home with EVERYONE gone for the summer. Everyone's stuff is still in the common area and he doesn't even bother to ask us. He was just notifying us that he will be. Even though there were objections, he was still very hard-headed and went on with it. Fuck it. The rage inside me is boiling and has been ever since I heard about it. Thought he changed after the cleanliness issue, guess I was wrong, just a terrible housemate. End of story. Terrible.

Owh well, can't control the world, just gonna chill and will be out of here soon in 9 days. Kinda fast actually, excited definitely! HAHA! Till next time guys, love y'all <3 p="">