Month of realization

May is coming to an end and I am officially a 4th year student now. We had 2 final written exam papers and an OSCE to close out this amazing 3rd year. Looking back at these 4 months, I am quite happy with what I achieved although I could have done way better. Lets focus on academics first before we explore other parts of my life.

Academics have been a constant roller coaster for me. Everything I think I know enough, out comes more things to further bamboozle me. Surgery rotation was fairly straight forward for me. The signs are there, diagnose based on history and signs, straightforward. Pain here, should be this this this., pain there with this characteristics, lessen the chance of some ddx. It was a really tiring rotation for me though, 5 BSTs each week. Plus, the first rotation was when everyone at home was still hyped to leave the house at 6.30am to avoid the 'jam' at Jalan Gottlieb.which I soon find out its not that bad and you just add like a good 5 minutes to your trip lol. Plus, all this can be skipped if you go through Jalan Burma there. Owh well, you learn things anyway. I got a OK result (personal standards) of 60 for Surgery long case which I was happy with. After all that business, it was really weird going to family medicine which comprises of almost nothing.. You really don't need to do alot of stuff. There is just a house visit, and reading about cases you see in the GP or KK. This light workload infected me as I began to slack and really do nothing much. I just kinda slacked off alot. Did well for the case review with Dr.Chean and I really have to thank her as she was so nice!!! However, I did screw up on my video taking assessment. I didn't get to close the session as 5 minutes just passed by like that, plus the patient's (actress) speech speed did not help at all lol. After that, it was back to clerking in wards and aiming for them 10 cases for Medicine. I realized I lost abit of my history taking skills and examination skills. So I tried taking it seriously. That only lasted for a week. I burned out. I honestly did. There were loads of factors to that, but that's another story. Basically, I kinda lost touch with studies, tried but just had no mood, had really really frequent mood swings, plus was starting to feel abit anti-social. I just didn't wanna talk to anyone, just wanna think by myself, which is exactly what I will do when I get home for this month. I really need to orientate myself before the next semester to prevent another meltdown. In the end, I didn't score as well as I thought I would in the long case examination - 55. Alex and Rachel did cheer me up a bit. I mean the result was average. Basically, you met everything, but no exceeds. I guess I would have been fine with the result if I didn't stay with absolute geniuses. One of them scored 70 and another got 75. I was really unhappy that day. I clerked, presented with confidence, only to find out the diagnosis was based on a single sign that I did not pick up hence, the diagnosis was way off. Although, since I'm here at this topic, would like to thank Prof.Yeow as well, cause without her I wouldn't have learned so much, just you know, sad it had to happen during a long case examination. Final examinations were fine for surgery but terrible for medicine. By that time, I was yearning for it to be over already that I couldn't really focus. Slept for the first third of the exam and then realize I only know half the paper LOL. Yeah, but that final paper was only 5 marks for the final year anyway, so I didn't really care about it that much. It just shows how much I still need to know. Basically, I could have worked harder for this semester and I know that, but more will be explained on the next few segments.

Next, and probably the most important, psychologically. This aspect was where I realized the most things while I was having my burnout. Firstly, I'm pretty sure everyone notices this. I am quite an emotional person. My emotions can run free and are easily influenced by everyone around me. If I don't like someone, I show it, and I bet that person can feel it. It's like the most obvious thing in the world lol. So yeah, during this past month, I realized I get way too worked up on how people around me act. I get influenced way too easily. I realized that I need to stop sulking or complaining about how people act. I need to accept people for who they are, and not sulk about them. Even if I were to sulk, its better to tell them up front about it then keep everything in me. Although I know sometimes its a lost cause, so there really isn't any point in telling them. I know I'm not the easiest person to be friends with as well due to my constant mood swings and sometimes-overly-harsh-comments. Let's not forget my ego which I'm still still learning to keep check off lol. This is exactly why I say I still need to work on my social skills. I can hurt people with my words very easily without knowing it. So, still learning hehe. Also, the rise of depression cases are kinda taking a toll on me i guess. I myself have no problem with depression, but its more of the friends around me. Everyone seems to be getting hit quite hard. 2 things I've noticed about it is the incidence on women are like way way up there compared to guys, and family plays a big role in depression. For the women stat, I really don't know why but thats just the way it is, at least that's whats happening around me. Family wise, I just kinda think some people weren't meant to have a family. A family's upbringing sets the children for life. Is it the asian attitude? Is it the hard way of showing love that screws it up? I don't know. I tried talking to some of my friends and I am so grateful that they opened up to me, but they are on the verge of giving up trying to feel better. Counselling only works to a certain extent, being in medical school taught me that meds don't exactly help, and the support that they dearly need is hard to come by. Everyone is too busy with their own lives that no one stops to notice these small little cries for help. I don't blame them, we scroll through our own FB page and sometimes we dismiss all these as "attention-seekers". What if these attentions are worth giving compared to some influencers on instagram or the Internet. I'm not saying we should pay every attention we have on all these small statuses and what the internet influencers are doing are wrong, but it doesn't help to stop and talk from time to time. Just give some time for them, it won't hurt. Although, you have to be careful of it as well. I had a few moments of downness from empathizing too much with my friends. You just feel helpless like there really isn't much you can do. I would just do as much as I can as a friend, cheer them up when they need it, and leave the rest to themselves and the professionals. It just angers and surprises me that this issue is still getting so little attention. No one cares, they all say. This "depression is just a phase thing" is a thinking within the Asian community that really needs to change, like it is annoying for me. I just hope someone picks this up and it inspires anyone reading this to look out for your friends around you. I just hope to raise a lil bit of awareness around the world!

Owh, and for my relationship status, yes everything is still going well with me and Abigail! We don't skype as often as everyone thinks maybe cause the timing is really just not right, but we text each other everyday and you know, all is well! We love each other and we will see each other really soon! Love you if you are reading this Abby!! (Less than 3, (coding issues hard to put the real thing lol)

So, I shall end this post with some hope that my next semester will be much more smoother and everything can go my way xD Will wanna come home more often cause you know home is amazing and yeah, till next time peeps :)

Reviving dead blog.. Long process

Hey there peeps. I know. Its been a good half a year since my last post and even that was a very very vague post. SO hours after Abby just announced that my blog was dead, here I am trying to revive this. This is partially due to my recent shower thoughts. I thought back about my primary school self on how I dreamed of keeping this blog till I am an adult so that I can just read back about what happened in my life. I know as med school went on I just got more and more inactive on this blog. I don't know, the fire that was once in me to drive me to pour everything out on this digital blog has declined massively. Probably cause life isn't as easy to pen down as it was 7 years back.

Anyway, quick update on life! Abigail and I have passed the 2 year mark. Yeah life won't be easy for the next few years but I am very convinced that we can break through for the next few years. As we know, there is no definite for our relationship in the future, since our paths don't converge unless we want them to. Sacrifices and compromises will be made, we will just have to work everything out. Don't worry, will try my best to get this going as far as it will. Hopefully till the end hehe xD. Also, doing the last rotation of Res 1 which is medicine! So far, 2 of my housemates have scored really well for this rotation and it kinda gives this unspoken pressure. I dunno, I kinda expect myself to do well if they do well, but I know I definitely have not worked as hard as they have (although they keep saying they don't study which is utter bs) I just come home so tired everyday that I am actually considering 7pm coffees. Will try them next week and will see how it goes haha! Hopefully I am tired enough to just like kaput at night.

Penang has been really different than Ireland. Like no joke. Things are much more intensive here, them tutorials, the useless MPU classes, the tough lectures where the slides don't really give the whole story. Owh and the never ending reminder from the lecturers that we are supposed to be well equipped with all the anatomy, pathology and all, All I can think of at this point was just like shit. I dunno anything! HAHA! The more time I spend in Penang the more I feel like the past 2.5 years was more like a holiday than anything. Sure some knowledge was gained but did they stick, or the 15 hour flight back burned all of them as plane fuel LOL. I dunno hopefully everything would be better? I definitely am working harder now that I am back partially cause like the reality hits you. The patients have expectations, the lecturers have expectations, the RCSI peeps have expectations. WOOHOO SO MUCH EXPECTATIONS TO FULFILL.ALL AROUND. I hope I can do as well as the others, but definitely I have a mountain to climb.

I think thats it for now, nothing much to add. Housemates are great, been some minor problems here and there but its all good. Everything is still amazing haha! Will update more when I can think of more things to write here, but for now I think this is about it. Definitely feels good to be back here :) If only abigail was back here with me, if only she was malaysian... HAHA!! That would make so many things much much much easier xD Alright see you peeps, love you to whoever is still reading this :)

Lazy and Busy? (excuses)

Haha the amount of cobwebs on this blog is like infinite lol. ANYWAY, short update, MSoc Gala just passed and Abby and I won best couple yay! So yeah, dressed up, took loads of photos. Just gonna share Maria and Domi's video on my blog so I can look back anytime I want xD



I know its super short, but I'm sick and I dunno what to write for now, so yeah. love u guys, bb xD

Session 2 almost over!

           Typing this from my office on a rainy day where my assistant director Kelly isn't in hehe. Hello peeps, after a whole month, here I am again! Although blogger's statistics shows that absolutely no one from Malaysia nor Ireland nor Singapore is reading my blog, I will still try and keep it up cuz I'm doing this for myself more than anything else lel.

 So second intersession is coming in 4 more days and I’m heading to the city of Philadelphia for 3 days 2 nights! (Although it’s only like 1 and a half days tbh LOL.) The first intersession I followed a lot of people to Seaside Heights where I got to see the famous Jersey Shore! I always thought it was just a MTV show name and not an actual place, guess I was wrong! It was really nice walking along the boardwalk experiencing the American shore life with arcades and pizza parlors by the sea. What shocked me the most is I had to pay to enter the beach! Like what. 8 whole freaking dollars. It was a good thing that the hostel that I was staying at gave out free beach passes, although they were limited to like 4 per room and my room had like 8 people LOL! I shared a bed with Maria and Dominika from Poland and Yaritza from Mexico while the other king sized bed was shared by the Hungarians (Orsi, Daniel and Sofi). I got a tan and a magnet from that intersession and got to know some people a little better than expected which wasn’t necessarily a good thing. It was a really cool (and quite expensive) trip! Spent almost 200 dollars I think, quite annoying that I had to spend so much but I had a really great time there so it was all worth it kinda haha :D It was my first time in a party house in America with loads of red solo cups so the feel is just extra good lel, not to mention the make out and shits going on in the rooms all over the house haha, living the full American life. 

        Overall it was a great experience la!! Hopefully the 2^nd trip will be better although it’s a smaller group travelling this time. Plus, this philly trip is purely exploring and all, so it would be like any trip of mine where I just hope to cover as many places as possible xD

I don’t believe I covered my pre camp trip yet lel. Well I went to Buffalo and the Niagara Falls which was really eye opening. Like the general public said, the Canada side would have had a greater view, but it’s a much more close up view of the falls from the American side. Too bad one of the viewing deck was closed, cause that deck had a really great view L. To be fair, buffalo didn’t had much to offer during my short stay there, so it was kind of a meh city for me, just to stopover for Niagara Falls, so 24 hours in Buffalo ended with a rainy dash from my great hostel to the bus station. I took a megabus from Buffalo to New York that lasted roughly 9 hours. I tried to sleep along the way which was mostly successful except for the fact that the kid beside me spilled a whole big pack of Skittles, so I was stepping on skittles all journey long. Good thing was the bus had a working wifi equipped so that was great hehe :D. So I reached New York at 7am with a slight drizzle to welcome me to the big apple! It was a great feeling, like im finally here in this great city. Walked around, saw Times Square with no one there at all due to it being really early, Maddison Square Garden, M&M World and decided it was best to check in first cause I was really tired. Before that, I had Subway for breakfast first haha! I put my bags at the hostel and rested for about 2 hours before starting to discover New York fully. I took a metro back to Times Square and started wondering around, sang in a karaoke competition by American Standard. Did so badly omg can’t believe I got the wrong key for like 75% of the song T.T. Anyway still got a small gift bag for that, not too bad haha! I went to the HBO store which was small but quite cool to look at all the GOT merchandise which were quite pricey. Next stop was Grand Central Station which was really cool as scenes from Madagascar and all those disaster movies were running through my head. I had a Shake Shack burger there for lunch which was not cheap at all but tasted so good hehe! After that, I stopped by the NY Public Library but I realized I was too tired to really walk around so just sat down and used the WiFi lel. Went out and started walking towards the Green Line Park which was freaking amazing. It used to be a railway track which is then converted into a park which was really modern and pretty. Had a really nice rest and went to try the famous artichoke pizza and it was freaking delicious. It was my first time tasting artichoke and yet it tasted so good!! Then, I continued my walk down the west side of Manhattan along the pier and just decided to take a 30 minute nap on one of the benches cause at that point my feet was aching like a bitch from walking all day long with no proper rest from walking all day at Buffalo as well HAHA! After that nap, walked again to finally reach the 911 memorial, continued to Wall Street, took a pic with the charging bull, got to the park near the end (which I think is called Battery Park) and decided against taking the ferry to the Statue of Liberty thing, didn’t think it was worth it… walked around summore, took a couple of pics of the Brooklyn Bridge and then decided to take the metro back to the hostel to rest. I was really proud of myself for being able to walk so much of Manhattan hehe :D I was really close to Chinatown when I was near Brooklyn Bridge and there is a great char siew rice stall in there somewhere but I was too tired to actually go there. Should have dabaoed and have that for dinner in the hostel. Instead, there was a Chinese food place near the hostel. It was quite famous apparently cuz its been visited by famous chefs lel. Had it for dinner and lunch the next day. It was really good! Visited Central park the next day but that was about it, cuz I travelled to camp after the walk in the park.

            That was a month ago. I’ve had loads of fun and frustrating times since then, camp has been generally a great place, although some things I wish could have changed. I prepare the schedules everyday, do some paperwork every session, answer calls, make calls, all those things. Truthfully, I can’t wait to go back to Dublin and just sleep in my own bed, not worrying bout mosquitos, cook my fried rice and shizz, just enjoying life and wait for Abigail to go back to Dubs so that we can just chill for a while till class starts. Ahh, that chill life. Can’t wait. Another thing is I think US is quite an expensive place sometimes, can’t wait to just go home and spend less haha!! I think that’s all I have to say for now and my hands are getting pretty tired. So I think I will just stop here. Love you guys so much and can’t wait to get home!! <3 o:p="">

Happy days in CHB :D

CHB stands for Camp Homeward Bound by the way haha! So here I am typing away on my very own desktop in the office shack of CHB. I've been here for almost 4 days now and things are really going great! Camp is great (other than the mosquitoes and them bugs), and they serve really great food! Dunno why but I was having quite low expectations seeing its a summer camp in the middle of nowhere but the chefs are really good. Wish I can learn a few stuff from them before heading back so that I don't get stuck on the same bloody recipes for my last semester in Dublin HAHA!!

Part of the reason I'm typing this blog is to make myself more familiar with the keyboard I'm having now. It certainly requires more effort to type, so it kinda sucks compared to my laptop, but owh well, can't choose now can I HAHA! Wish I had my laptop with me haiz... Wi-Fi is kinda restricted in this area along with close to no reception. We have a big lake which is shared with like 4 other camps (I think?) and it s really cooling to swim in the lake on a hot ass day. Met my bosses Bev, Kelly, Seamus, and Sparrow, all really wonderful people. First few days ehre have been spent cleaning up the office, trying to make it as functional and comfortable as possible. So hopefully everything pans out well before the first session. Staff training is in 2 days so I'm defo looking forward to that. Other than that, been looking at outlets around New York and hopefully I get to go these outlets to get stuff for me and my friends.

I haven't actually got my plans figured out for this blog post so random things might just appear out of nowhere cuz I'm literally just typing whatever comes to mind. Haha! First night here was absolutely freezing, so KB, a South African returnee who was really ncie to me, got me a sleeping bag from a mall nearby when he was on his off day. I was really touched by it haha! Seems like someone was watching over me and it was cool :) Other than that, been reading the books in the library. Some great series are here so I might be just stuffing my head in books all summer since the limited Wi-Fi, plus maybe learn a few things from the camp nurses while I'm here :D Heck, i even downloaded Robbin's Pathology online to try and do some reading in case I am ever too bored HAHA!

I guess thats all for now, love this place so far, busted a wheel on my luggage bag from moving it on a rocky terrain, other than that, all is well :D See u guys real soon hehe BAIIII <3 p="">
MISS EVERYONE LOADS ESPECIALLY MY FAMILY AND MY GF :D

Post Exam Life

Sorry I haven't been updating for a while, been real busy with exams and post exam activities and all that bullcrap. Technically I'm just wasting away my life at home these few days. Almost everyone has left the house for their home countries, but here I am, stuck in my room writing this blog post which god knows who even reads these. My after exam plans went quite well at first I guess haha! Abigail only had 3 days to spend after exam so the plans were made to maximize these 3 days I guess?

First, we went for our post anniversary date haha! (It was postponed due to the unfortunate near exam date) We went the night we finished our papers to Talbot 101. A restaurant on Talbot Street which may be reservations only? Don't really know. We booked ahead and got a 3 course meal each for 25 euros haha! (got it off Groupon). To say the truth, I was kinda stuffed after the appetizer HAHAHA!! Partially cause we had like a huge ass bowl of spaghetti pesto for lunch with like a bunch of parmesan cheese. Guess what I had for the appetizer, cheese sample platter! HAHAHA! WTF! It was my first time tasting hummus and it was really delicious like no joke!! Had the steak for my main course which was quite brilliant, and chocolate lava cake for dinner. Spent almost 3 hours for dinner HAHA!! Then, went back to my place for Brendon's chill out dinner with half of the party knowing that I went out for my anniversary meal lol. The day after that I went to town for lunch with Brendon and joined Abby and Andrew to shop for a bit. We played Left 4 Dead at home for abit that night. The next day, Abby and I went to Dun Laoghaire after planning it since last semester HAHA! Tbh, that place was quite a letdown for me, there really wasn't anything great about that place and I would prefer Howth over it, but meh, its the company that counts hehe :D We walked on the pier, went for lunch in The Sunshine Cafe and went to scrumdiddlys for some diabetic ice cream and rocky road combo. HAHA! Didn't even finish it, we threw like a quarter of it away cuz it was simply too sweet. NOTE THAT WE SHARED THAT CUP AND SOME PEOPLE EVEN BOUGHT ONE EACH LIKE HOW DO U EVEN TAKE IN SO MUCH SWEETNESS LOLOL. We were almost late to the movie as we speed shopped in A&F for Cyrus and Cephas's gift. Made me kinda annoyed cuz I wanted her to put her family first and get their gifts instead of going to Dun Laoghaire with me, I dunno, made me feel guilty of some sort? meh. Anyway, we were almost late to the cinema just to find out that alot of people were late too LOL. After claiming them tickets I just left 3 of them at the ticket counter for Claire, Nic and Brendon (who was late cuz he was doing GNIB for the entire day). Civil War was quite good I guess, but couldn't really enjoy it well enough cuz guess who had a small stomach ache in the middle LOL. After that, Arisu with Brendon, Andrew and Abby. Helped Abby pack and spend the next day with her at her house before she flew off. Her taxi driver to the airport was Ghurmit Singh HAHAHA! LMFAO. Got alot of food from her lel. Miss her already haizzzz!

So now, I'm just chilling around till the day I fly to New York. For those who don't know, I'm spending my summer working in Camp Homeward Bound which is based in New York, about an hour plus from NYC. Will be there for about 2 month plus. Apparently this camp has near to no wifi LOL, so I'll only have wifi access once a week during my day off. Won't get to Skype my family or Abigail but owh well, sacrifices have to be made :/ Other than that, I have a housemate who seriously don't think things through, like how do you do these things before you think. He rented his room out for the summer, and without discussing with us beforehand. First there is the key problem which is kinda universal, and a stranger alone in OUR home with EVERYONE gone for the summer. Everyone's stuff is still in the common area and he doesn't even bother to ask us. He was just notifying us that he will be. Even though there were objections, he was still very hard-headed and went on with it. Fuck it. The rage inside me is boiling and has been ever since I heard about it. Thought he changed after the cleanliness issue, guess I was wrong, just a terrible housemate. End of story. Terrible.

Owh well, can't control the world, just gonna chill and will be out of here soon in 9 days. Kinda fast actually, excited definitely! HAHA! Till next time guys, love y'all <3 p="">

Manchester Trip and a quick update in March

Hey peeps! Blogging on the megabus from Manchester to London hehe 😜 I was promised WiFi but obviously I've been let down so here I am offline blogging not knowing when I'm gonna post this up, probably after dinner haha!! So super quick update on me, M night is over, everything went well, and because my blogger is connected I don't even remember if I did a post on M night lel. Zhi Jie and Cecelia were still shocked that I was the junior director for my Mnight. Definitely proud of it but not really at the same time. Proud because we managed to salvage the show from impending doom, lol but cause the show ain't fully mine, meh..

Owh and thank goodness I have my iPod with me for offline music. I swear the songs in my ipod are like super great for thinking back at old times. Its like almost every song in there brings me back to like a time where I was young and singing it with someone or while doing something special. I wouldn't load them into my Spotify playlist cause I want them to stay special hehe. I'll eventually hate a lot of the songs in there because Spotify
likes to play those few songs only lol.. even though I have like 1.2k songs in there 😒

Anyway, Abigail is in France with them other Singaporeans and I just finished the Manchester leg of my UK trip. Manchester as a city was quite disappointing I have to say. Of course for this trip I did almost no research and it was all up to Zhi Jie and Cecelia lel. There was nothing much to see other than old Trafford. I didn't made it to Etihad stadium but couldn't really care less actually hahaha. What bugs me is that I've been to Anfield and Old Trafford but not inside, cause I missed the tour for both. Quite annoying if you think about it, but at least I've been there and I really really hope to come back to the UK and watch an EPL match or better a Champions League fixture. I also met with Kai Qian and Ze Nian and few minutes with Zhen Wei, so all of that was great. This trip has been quite hectic transportation wise. Almost missed my flight to Manchester but made it at a terrible cost, and almost missed this bus, but made it with my lungs trying to claw their way out of my ribs lel. I really hope everything can be smoother from now on haha. Missed the chance to go pray in Manchester's 佛光山 but I will be back, I hope haha!!

All in all, I'm great! Really really need to start studying the moment I get back from London. Don't really have much time left and don't wanna result in last minute crammings again like urgh. Library dates gonna be up soon hehe.. Till next time peeps!! (^.^)😁😁

Busy February is over!!!

Mnight is over! ITS OVER!! Yeah it's already been a week, and I just decided to blog this haha!! The feeling of relief is like unbelievable! We actually managed to sell every single ticket we have like omg!! So let's start with the whole mnight week, not gonna be a long post I promise haha!

So it all started on Tuesday where we were constructing the stage. Apparently someone gave an order to move the stage forward by 50cm, and that was quite a big change. After setting everything up, we just practiced on the stage like nothing. But when they pulled the seats out on Thursday, apparently the measurements were abit off so we were now violating UCD's safety rules? I mean we had to fit at least a wheelchair in between the audience seats and the stage. We kinda screwed up on that part. Oh well, at least the music team has more space than last year HAHA! So after much much discussion with some UCD staff, and 5000 remeasurements, we got a green light. It was a big relief as if we were given a red light instead, we would have to spend ALOT of time to reconstruct the stage, the lights, the sound system and all. It wouldn't have been great.

Other than that, it was quite a hectic week as I had to run full runs and then there was a drama like 2 days before M Night which I'm not gonna write here because its just too obvious and all like urgh. Worked with Andrew alot that week. It was really tiring to juggle Producer, Sketch Director and Vocal Director in one go. Like I was needed everywhere which really really irked me. I think the one I managed the poorest would be Vocal Director... Other than the soloists, I couldn't really teach the choir and made them to produce the voice I wanted. So I have to say I'm sorry for that. But looking back at the entire M Night process. I seriously doubt I could do any more than that. I cried a few times because of this, I just felt so pressured to please everyone seeing that I'm not the most senior in this production. People probably think I'm weak and all but I seriously couldn't give 2 flying fucks anymore. There was so much pressure coming from everywhere, about the performance, the publicity, the budget, etc.. It was just too much. But luckily everything was over.

This paragraph is definitely for Andrew Lee Ban Keong. Even though I treat this guy like real crap sometimes, he will still be there and I still can't believe we actually managed to go through the entire lighting for the whole show. No one else could have done what he did setting the lights to what I want and all, plus his valuable input and all. Seriously this guy deserves a medal for the stuff he has done for M night. I can only do so much for the acting team, and it was really down to his lights that made the whole show bloody fantastic. So sorry that I forgot to mention your name at the final speech. I was nervous and all, and names were flying in my mind and I just grabbed on to whomever I could see. But you know I love you bro in a no homo way. The way we worked through this, we should get along way way finer than anything else. Cheers bro :D

And then there is also Koshy, who was there emotionally for me, and did most of the background stuff for me. Although sometimes he won't be at his position, which is a fairbit annoying, I still feel that he is there for me when I need him to. So seriously thank you so much Koshy and thanks for your shoulder. The more I write, the more this whole post is going into homo region LOL.

So.. Let's bring it back to M night and the final moment where Abigail took the flower out for me. That's when I knew that kissing her (forehead) was the right thing to do. She was there for me emotionally and I could feel that she was proud of me. That was all I needed. And she looked really nice that night HAHA!! Owh well..

Conclusion wise, Kisho, Andrew and me. Without any of us MNight 2016 wouldn't have happened. Now, to go back and try to study, but gonna fail miserably haha! Cheers bois :D

200th post and its.... A COVER!! AFTER 5000 YEARS YAY!

Hey guys!! 200th post yeayyyy xD So yeah, I recorded a cover to suit the mood I was in.. and recording cover really helps with the mood (although it adds abit of frustration haha) So thank you guys so much for listening and happy new year and love all of u :D Cheers!

Start of 2016, not great

Im typing this for the second time cuz blogger app decides that it just wanna delete everything I wrote, thanks blogger. 😒

As the title suggests, this is most likely not going to be a happy post.. Ever since that 5 turned into a 6, I really haven't been feeling all that great.. To say the truth, I am actually quite sad, I feel sad. This depressing feeling has been in me since day 1 of 2016. I know it has only been like 1.5 days since the start of 2016, and its too early to tell that this year is going to suck. But for some reason, I feel depressed and I really just wanna break down and cry. It won't happen tho becux the tears just won't fall out long enough to that point that I still feel shitty. Been trying to smile more but obviously its just to mask my freaking sad little kid inside.

Oh you wanna know why I'm sad? Well do tell me when you find out, cuz I would really love to find out too... Is it because I spent new years eve on my own(ish) and did literally nothing? Don't think so.. NYE was never a day that I really super duper cared about anyway so it didn't really seem like it was something big. Plus, I hardly did anything after exams so the days just kinda blur by and NYE just seemed to go by just like that.. Is it because MNight is slowly creeping in? Probably.. I've been trying to stay away from this topic entire winter but it never worked. Somehow the topic just keeps creeping back into my mind. Either someone else brings it up or it just decides to give a surprise visit.. I hate this show. I really hate it. Its not my idea and truthfully everything is just so out of place that its really frustrating. I only have 2 weeks to try and make it work.. Its not my production but it will be me in the end to get judged for it. It breaks me, it angers me, it depresses me, it lowers my self esteem most of all.. I bet si ming didnt feel any of this, because the production had great value and also it was hers, hers to take pride from. I hate it so much, but I'll definitely give my best, I promise... Is it because of exams? Minor probabilities.. I've been wondering bout my MED paper and hopefully everything will pull thru.. Is it because Abby ain't by my side? Probably.. I feel alone also for some reason.. But long distance is something that I will have to work through when our relationship advances.. So I'll really try my best to make it work.. I miss her a lot already actually.. Abby, if u reading this, know that none of this is ur fault k? ☺Is it because of homesick? Probably too.. I don't really feel homesick, but when ur self esteem is so low, anything is possible.. So I really don't know, I really really don't know..

All I want right now is be hugged by someone I love so tight that all the air will be squeezed out.. And them telling me that everything will be OK.. Probably not gonna happen for a while.. I'll most kindly break down in their arms and it will definitely make me feel better.. Hopefully this feeling goes away after a week or so.. I need a break, I really need one..

All in all,
Happy new year guys
And may the odds be ever in your favour!
Stay happy guys 😀

2015 coming to an end bois

Yes, 2015 is going to end bois! Can't say I would look back in regret cause this year has been quite an awesome one! Spent 3 months back in Malaysia and did so much this year! The gold medals in Bali seriously is still stuck in my head till today haha!

Haven't been updating my blog nowadays and now I have to say busy as a reason just ain't gonna be enough to cut it anymore! Sometimes, you really need these feeling to write a blog post and most of the time I just don't feel it anymore. Maybe I am just too busy playing dota, cramming for exams, or spending time with friends/gf. There is just so many things that are distracting me from writing a complete blog post. Like now for instance, I have to type this post at freaking 2am and its nearly 3am. This is the time when I have absolute alone time and these feelings just come. Right, now back to business. Blink of an eye and its already 3 semesters into medical school. Only 2 semesters left in Dublin and then everything is going to change again. Part of me is seriously wishing for time to go slower and part of me wants it to speed up. It seriously is a bittersweet thing that I can't make up my mind to how to react to it. Seeing all my seniors leave now 1 by 1, you seriously can't run away from the thought of urself leaving in a year. You tell yourself you still have a year and you urself know that 1 yar can pass by just like that. Seriously no joke. Time can play tricks with you. Lets try to look back in the year first.

Highlights would definitely include my first Malaysian Night in February where I acted as Sebastian in the Little Duyung. The response I got was tremendous and it opened some doors for me as well! The feeling of being in a production again was really great and the days leading up to it were ever so tiring but yet so magical. I would relive those moments again and again! Some would say i will feel the same with next year's M night. Can't say so tho. I am directing the M night next year but my heart is really not fully into it. I can't direct something that was just thrown to me and the whole thing was not my idea at all. I was just meant to oversee it on someone else's behalf. I'm not saying it will suck, I'm just saying its not up to my liking and hopefully everything goes smoothly when the time comes, 船到桥头自然直! I really really need some help after that m night for the heart attacks I'm going to get during that time LOLOL. After that would definitely when I got together with my gf, Abigail haha! Things are going strong and I miss her alot seriously! Hope we have a great year ahead la hehe