Im typing this for the second time cuz blogger app decides that it just wanna delete everything I wrote, thanks blogger. 😒
As the title suggests, this is most likely not going to be a happy post.. Ever since that 5 turned into a 6, I really haven't been feeling all that great.. To say the truth, I am actually quite sad, I feel sad. This depressing feeling has been in me since day 1 of 2016. I know it has only been like 1.5 days since the start of 2016, and its too early to tell that this year is going to suck. But for some reason, I feel depressed and I really just wanna break down and cry. It won't happen tho becux the tears just won't fall out long enough to that point that I still feel shitty. Been trying to smile more but obviously its just to mask my freaking sad little kid inside.
Oh you wanna know why I'm sad? Well do tell me when you find out, cuz I would really love to find out too... Is it because I spent new years eve on my own(ish) and did literally nothing? Don't think so.. NYE was never a day that I really super duper cared about anyway so it didn't really seem like it was something big. Plus, I hardly did anything after exams so the days just kinda blur by and NYE just seemed to go by just like that.. Is it because MNight is slowly creeping in? Probably.. I've been trying to stay away from this topic entire winter but it never worked. Somehow the topic just keeps creeping back into my mind. Either someone else brings it up or it just decides to give a surprise visit.. I hate this show. I really hate it. Its not my idea and truthfully everything is just so out of place that its really frustrating. I only have 2 weeks to try and make it work.. Its not my production but it will be me in the end to get judged for it. It breaks me, it angers me, it depresses me, it lowers my self esteem most of all.. I bet si ming didnt feel any of this, because the production had great value and also it was hers, hers to take pride from. I hate it so much, but I'll definitely give my best, I promise... Is it because of exams? Minor probabilities.. I've been wondering bout my MED paper and hopefully everything will pull thru.. Is it because Abby ain't by my side? Probably.. I feel alone also for some reason.. But long distance is something that I will have to work through when our relationship advances.. So I'll really try my best to make it work.. I miss her a lot already actually.. Abby, if u reading this, know that none of this is ur fault k? ☺Is it because of homesick? Probably too.. I don't really feel homesick, but when ur self esteem is so low, anything is possible.. So I really don't know, I really really don't know..
All I want right now is be hugged by someone I love so tight that all the air will be squeezed out.. And them telling me that everything will be OK.. Probably not gonna happen for a while.. I'll most kindly break down in their arms and it will definitely make me feel better.. Hopefully this feeling goes away after a week or so.. I need a break, I really need one..
All in all,
Happy new year guys
And may the odds be ever in your favour!
Stay happy guys 😀