Sunday, August 12, 2018
I just finished my psychiatry rotation and by right about now the seniors would have finished their final long case and are practically done with med school forever. Ok, focus more on myself. So basically looking at the seniors, I realize that I basically only have like 1 year left till my finals too. Psych exam was kinda crap for me cause it was one of the first time (or the last time was a very long time ago to the point i don't rmb when it happened). My mood was basically shat after the written paper I think it kinda carried on to my short case exam. I never felt so dejected in an exam before for such a long time. It was quite bad from my end I felt, don't know if it was due to my pessimistic as view at that point or not. The examiner had to like push me on to ask me to don't give up. That was how bad it was LOL. Honestly was lucky to not get a PMC lecturer in that short case exam cause honestly if I did it would have been terrible as they kinda expect me to score. During my Mini-CEX I was to carry out a risk assessment on violence. Basically I kinda flunked it, and Dr. Uma was basically like what happened to you, and im like I dunno LOL. I really didn't know how to do the risk assessment. So yeah, pressure from there plus you know life has been abto it bumpy for these past few weeks. Loads of stuff happened especially with my friend.
I don't know if anyone noticed but everyone has their own stories to tell about their lives. One might assume every one has had a normal life growing up or everything is fine when ur at home. Cause u know, home is supposedly the safe haven and a place where we get pampered and all for most of us. However, sad to say that this isn't the fact for some of our friends. Honestly, these things can be happening to your closest ass friends and you won't have a clue on what is going on unless you personally ask if they are okay or not and then slowly talk to them on whatever they talk to. Sure not everyone has got their shit together especially people my age. We are what, 23 years old? Everyone has experienced different things throughout the 23 years, you never know. Although you kinda can tell from the way they think of life situations sometimes, but still judging ain't good.
What I'm actually trying to get at is psychiatric illnesses are scary. In fact, for me it is worse than a tumour growing in your body. See if it is cancerous, you know that this tumour is the main cause for all your problems and if it hasn't metastasized yet just cutting it off would probably solve most of your problems. BUT what if the problem is basically the internal wiring of your brain gone bad. There are some biological causes to it sure but its so much more than that to the point that not just eating medicine will help you. It is the core way of your thinking that is working against every single cell of your body. I'm not saying like I have any psychiatric illnesses (thank goodness), but this is basically the whole idea that I've got when talking to my friends who are currently experiencing them. The thought about it alone is scary enough for me and I really really despise these illness because of this. All my innocent friends, all have to go through this kind of shit just because not everyone was born with a silver spoon in their mouth. It sucks. It really does suck. Maybe thats why I really try my best to help my friends by really talking to them. However, this really opens up a gaping hole in me. The worst part is knowing about the problem and knowing that there is really nothing u can do about it. The helplessness swallows you whole. This is especially when the problem majorly lies in the family, what can you do? You sit by your friends side, comforting her (so far literally 9 out of 10 of my friends who have depression are girls) and ur just sitting there cursing this shit. You try your best to comfort them and give them the confidence they need but it just doesn't work. This is partially why alot of people walk away from them, cause they really don't know what to do.
I have a friend who unfortunately has much much more than depression. I didn't even know when I first got to know her and never did I know that things were already so deep into trouble. This was basically the most I ever put myself into a situation. The first time I met her was basically 1 and a half years ago from today. It all started with my weak ass heart trying to comfort someone who was alone sitting on a step. I personally didn't know what I was bringing myself into. Now before I go further into it, this might already sound like a horror story starting to happen, but trust me, this whole experience I would describe as life-changing more than anything. So yeah, there goes me trying so hard to fight my way into someone else's life when they've been busy pushing people out for the past 23 years. This went on for a couple of months of endless texting and calls that honestly I still could bare in the beginning cause I was really really determined to get to the root of the problem. Partially why this time was very different from my previous friends was cause I was close with them before I started picking up the signs and then only they decided to open up to me. This time, I literally got close to that person just to get her to open up. That is why the whole opening up process took a couple of months and a lot of fights. It was hard to push ur way into someone's life when they are actively rejecting you just cause of the fear of you leaving them in the end. That was the mindset that she had the whole time. I stayed and stayed no matter how many times she basically called the friendship off. Almost a year later was when I actually felt that things were better now and I could get her to open up to me easier. Note that it is easier and not easy, cause things sure as hell wasn't easy. The fights kept going on and honestly at one point I became afraid to say no to whatever she asks for cause I really didn't want to deal with whatever mood she will have. Note that I'm still dating Abigail at this point and if you think it sounds like this girl and I are basically in a relationship, I don't blame you, pretty sure half the college thought so at that point. In the beginning, like June 2017 I was worried and I did try and keep my distance, but after a while I realized I didn't really give a shit what other people thought as long as I was really clear on what I was doing. Of course, I made sure that I kept Abigail informed just to make sure that she knows my side of story. Then again, I withheld some information as I have been advised by some that no girl likes their boyfriend to be all emotionally worked up over other girls.
I know at this point, things may be slightly confusing for whoever that is still reading this, considering that this blog has pretty much been dead for so long, and I don't blame you. Twitter used to be my emotion spilling place but recently I felt like even the privacy on there has been compromised so I'm sure if I posted on my blog which literally very very little people know bout, then its better I guess. So basically things got worse, I became really tired, emotionally tired and I went to see a counselor for the first time of my life cause I really needed help to deal with this problem of mine. I was basically taking up too much responsibility on myself to deal with all her tantrums, all the fights, all the impulsiveness. I was also trying so hard to let her see the way I see life, which currently thinking back its really not a good idea. Just cause I found something that worked for me doesn't mean that it works for everybody. Not everyone's brain can afford to think like me, and I recently learned that it was really down to your own personality. So yeah. I had to get off Whatsapp cause there were too many messages that I didn't want to reply sometimes. She replies at the speed of light and I have to think about what to reply cause I've learned my lesson. She uses my words against me again and again and I'm super sick of it. Thats why I can't just reply whenever I want cause I don't want anything rash and stupid to come out. At this point, someone must be wondering why do I still put up with this. Why u asked? I felt like I am in too deep and if I choose to leave now, I will create a void too big that no one else can fill, and her gates will come crushing down and no one else will be able to enter anymore. The pressure was way too big. I was dying inside. Had no one to turn to, had no one to really help me, I felt alone.
Its not all bad honestly, she is a great friend cause she goes out of her way to make sure you know that you are her friend. She brings me out to eat, treats me and also fetches me home cause I don't have a car. I didn't ask for any of this, but she did it anyway cause she knew at that point we were really close friends. Heck, even the school knows at that point. When she had a close call with a shinigami, I was the first one to be called, and my whole day was excused on the grounds of being with her at the emergency department. So I guess, starting this year we were really really great friends. I don't know.. suddenly things just started turning sour. like real sour. The fights got super super frequent and there was a lot of other elements coming in as well which I really don't feel like putting it into words as someone can basically trace it back to me. Basically, I fucked up somewhere along the line and then it all blows up in my face, not just her but her family. So yeah, goes back to what I was saying bout psychiatric illness being freaking scary.
I don't know. Right now, my life is kinda turned upside down and I'm still kinda struggling to find this new me. I have learned loads from her as well. As much as I give her loads of advice on life that I have applied sometimes, I realized that I am a hypocrite no matter what I do. There are times where I will do exactly what I say not to do when I have a clear mind. Plus, its okay when I do certain things to other people, and when they do it on me, I get pissed. This is really really bad. Also, she made me realized how freaking hot tempered I am. This is true as I really look at myself. I am hot tempered on the road, I'm hot tempered towards everyone around me and they just kinda put up with it. This sucks as well. Gosh life is just a never ending road to self improvement. Just when I think I've found a way to live life, there is always more and more things to fix. If anyone is still reading and I have offended you in some sort of manner. I am really really sorry. I really am. I really promise to control my own temper much much more ok. I'm sorry.
I guess thats about what I have to say for now. Public Health was a rocky and topsy turvy rotation. Not the academic part but what happened in between. So hopefully, O&G will treat me great. Peace out and I really am sorry once again
Wednesday, September 20, 2017
I recently just finished reading Yee Pei's wordpress (equivalent of her blog) and I seriously admire her for having the determination to update her blog often. Plus, with pictures. I used to do that long time ago, but uploading pictures and positioning them was a bit of a pain as time went by few years ago, so I think I just gave that part of blogging up. Instead, most of the pictures are either on Facebook, Instagram, or my trusty hard drive. Sometimes, I do reconsider putting my photos back on blogger but laziness just takes over. Plus, my chapter in Dublin has come to an end, so my life back here is boring and basically a routine. So, technically there really isn't much to photograph about. I'm tired enough living this life, no way I would document this dull everyday life. Also, something that I noticed from her word press is her words are powerful enough to touch every reader, well at least she gets to me. I read back at mine and sure it does bring back memories which is great and all, but it doesn't really touch the readers (if anyone is even reading any of this shiz). There goes a much better blogger.
One thing that triggered me to write this blog post was the part where she met up with Brandon over the summer and there was a short introduction about how they met (it was in Prague through me) and they never stopped talking through whatsapp from that day onwards. That got me thinking, I never actually have a friend that I continuously talked to for the past few years. Maybe my gf yes but not like friends. Sure people say that I am sociable and I have loads of friends yes, but do I truly have like a super best friend or just someone that I constantly talk to? I honestly don't think so. My social circle just restarts every time a milestone in life is achieved. I move around so much that I don't even contact the old friends, only from time to time, but there just isn't any like constant communication going on. I mean it is nice to have a lot of friends and being able to mix in with almost everyone, but it sure is nice to have a group of friends that you grow up with since young and that you are really close to that person. If only I had that someone :( I definitely have met a lot of great friends throughout my life that helped me in my life and I'm really grateful, but for some reason they tend to come and go alot.. It might be me, I don't know. Yeah, but it feels good to bring them together hue hue hue.
In other news, nothing much has happened really. Same old same old going to hospitals and going to class. I just finished my ophthalmology and ENT rotation and that was pretty fun. It was nice to be able to focus on a system alone, although I got like really lazy halfway through, I'm still enjoying this part of it. Abigail and I are doing fine as well, although we have a bit of trouble trying to arrange a time to meet up during December. We both don't have much time for the December breaks and I also wanna make time to travel with my family. In June my family wanted to go travel but I wasn't free as I booked those dates to go to Singapore instead so this time I feel obliged to let them decide first. So there's that, will be updated. Also, I was supposed to go to Lenggong for a MyOHUN camp but suddenly PMC had no more transports available to bring us there, so there was a problem lel. They literally just told me now and airplane tickets cost a bomb now, so I guess I will be spending my Awal Muharam weekend in Penang then :/ Haven't went home for a couple of months now, just need to wait for a while more then.. Loads of presentations have passed and luckily I just have to focus on getting my mood to study back now haha! I think thats about it for now, although my family and I did went to Hatyai for my birthday, I think I will write another one for that :/
Love you peeps and thank you for continuing to read!
Sunday, August 6, 2017
Since 4th year started, I've realized like a distinct difference between the me now and the me last sem. I tend to do more reading then I would have done, although I have to admit it is still lacking. There are alot of basic stuff that I was supposed to know, but somehow I just can't seem to remember them, only bits and pieces of everything. So, will definitely have to work harder at that point. Housemate updates! Well Mun Hon is studying really hard now due to the 2 week rotations of Medicine. Its like everytime he is back, his head will be in the books HAHA! Well, lets not forget him reading bout the Bible as well, so more and more reading. I am definitely not as hardcore as that, DOTA is still going on in my life especially now that TI season is here. Contemplating on buying the Rubick arcana if he wins, cause you know, if i buy means I wanna play more, which I am not sure if I have the time for... But we will see.. Denzel and David are in the ENT and Ophthalmology rotation now so that's like super easy for them anyway. So yeah, everyone in this house has gone abit serious on studies. I dunno, I might be the last one to be serious HAHA..
Abigail wise, she made a surprise visit to Penang with her mum and Abielle for a good 2 days. It was definitely a short visit and I wish she could have stayed longer but unfortunately it wasn't exactly possible. The 2 weeks we spent together was heavenly definitely. Met each others parents... Then I really got to thinking, this is going to go on for another 5-6 years at least. Everything in the future is so uncertain its quite hard to promise anything at this point. I wanna keep this going as long as possible but sometimes it just seems really hard. I don't really show that part cause I prefer to be the stronger one but too much thinking hurts the soul sometimes. Owh well, I guess I'm happy I have good friends to help me along the way :p. To say I'm lonely here, nah definitely not, but definitely not that happy I guess... Feels like sometimes I'm lacking someone to truly talk to like face to face. Abigail is only a skype call away I know, but sometimes it just feels different. Hmm, I dunno lel. Thinking too much again. Anyway, hope everything can still go on strong as ever. December will definitely be the next challenge :/
Jason and I are getting closer now thanks to us both being in Badminton Club's committee! Its been a blast so far in that club cause at least I can promise myself to be active for at least once a week lel. The sweating feels are definitely amazing. The RCSI bunch are always fun to hang out with sometimes. I just can't wait till Brendon, Kisho and Andrew come back for real. LIKE PLEASE FASTER LA AND DON'T YOU GUYS DARE NOT COME BACK.
I guess thats all for now, I can't think of anything else more to update :P Till next time, love you guys :)
Monday, June 5, 2017
Academics have been a constant roller coaster for me. Everything I think I know enough, out comes more things to further bamboozle me. Surgery rotation was fairly straight forward for me. The signs are there, diagnose based on history and signs, straightforward. Pain here, should be this this this., pain there with this characteristics, lessen the chance of some ddx. It was a really tiring rotation for me though, 5 BSTs each week. Plus, the first rotation was when everyone at home was still hyped to leave the house at 6.30am to avoid the 'jam' at Jalan Gottlieb.which I soon find out its not that bad and you just add like a good 5 minutes to your trip lol. Plus, all this can be skipped if you go through Jalan Burma there. Owh well, you learn things anyway. I got a OK result (personal standards) of 60 for Surgery long case which I was happy with. After all that business, it was really weird going to family medicine which comprises of almost nothing.. You really don't need to do alot of stuff. There is just a house visit, and reading about cases you see in the GP or KK. This light workload infected me as I began to slack and really do nothing much. I just kinda slacked off alot. Did well for the case review with Dr.Chean and I really have to thank her as she was so nice!!! However, I did screw up on my video taking assessment. I didn't get to close the session as 5 minutes just passed by like that, plus the patient's (actress) speech speed did not help at all lol. After that, it was back to clerking in wards and aiming for them 10 cases for Medicine. I realized I lost abit of my history taking skills and examination skills. So I tried taking it seriously. That only lasted for a week. I burned out. I honestly did. There were loads of factors to that, but that's another story. Basically, I kinda lost touch with studies, tried but just had no mood, had really really frequent mood swings, plus was starting to feel abit anti-social. I just didn't wanna talk to anyone, just wanna think by myself, which is exactly what I will do when I get home for this month. I really need to orientate myself before the next semester to prevent another meltdown. In the end, I didn't score as well as I thought I would in the long case examination - 55. Alex and Rachel did cheer me up a bit. I mean the result was average. Basically, you met everything, but no exceeds. I guess I would have been fine with the result if I didn't stay with absolute geniuses. One of them scored 70 and another got 75. I was really unhappy that day. I clerked, presented with confidence, only to find out the diagnosis was based on a single sign that I did not pick up hence, the diagnosis was way off. Although, since I'm here at this topic, would like to thank Prof.Yeow as well, cause without her I wouldn't have learned so much, just you know, sad it had to happen during a long case examination. Final examinations were fine for surgery but terrible for medicine. By that time, I was yearning for it to be over already that I couldn't really focus. Slept for the first third of the exam and then realize I only know half the paper LOL. Yeah, but that final paper was only 5 marks for the final year anyway, so I didn't really care about it that much. It just shows how much I still need to know. Basically, I could have worked harder for this semester and I know that, but more will be explained on the next few segments.
Next, and probably the most important, psychologically. This aspect was where I realized the most things while I was having my burnout. Firstly, I'm pretty sure everyone notices this. I am quite an emotional person. My emotions can run free and are easily influenced by everyone around me. If I don't like someone, I show it, and I bet that person can feel it. It's like the most obvious thing in the world lol. So yeah, during this past month, I realized I get way too worked up on how people around me act. I get influenced way too easily. I realized that I need to stop sulking or complaining about how people act. I need to accept people for who they are, and not sulk about them. Even if I were to sulk, its better to tell them up front about it then keep everything in me. Although I know sometimes its a lost cause, so there really isn't any point in telling them. I know I'm not the easiest person to be friends with as well due to my constant mood swings and sometimes-overly-harsh-comments. Let's not forget my ego which I'm still still learning to keep check off lol. This is exactly why I say I still need to work on my social skills. I can hurt people with my words very easily without knowing it. So, still learning hehe. Also, the rise of depression cases are kinda taking a toll on me i guess. I myself have no problem with depression, but its more of the friends around me. Everyone seems to be getting hit quite hard. 2 things I've noticed about it is the incidence on women are like way way up there compared to guys, and family plays a big role in depression. For the women stat, I really don't know why but thats just the way it is, at least that's whats happening around me. Family wise, I just kinda think some people weren't meant to have a family. A family's upbringing sets the children for life. Is it the asian attitude? Is it the hard way of showing love that screws it up? I don't know. I tried talking to some of my friends and I am so grateful that they opened up to me, but they are on the verge of giving up trying to feel better. Counselling only works to a certain extent, being in medical school taught me that meds don't exactly help, and the support that they dearly need is hard to come by. Everyone is too busy with their own lives that no one stops to notice these small little cries for help. I don't blame them, we scroll through our own FB page and sometimes we dismiss all these as "attention-seekers". What if these attentions are worth giving compared to some influencers on instagram or the Internet. I'm not saying we should pay every attention we have on all these small statuses and what the internet influencers are doing are wrong, but it doesn't help to stop and talk from time to time. Just give some time for them, it won't hurt. Although, you have to be careful of it as well. I had a few moments of downness from empathizing too much with my friends. You just feel helpless like there really isn't much you can do. I would just do as much as I can as a friend, cheer them up when they need it, and leave the rest to themselves and the professionals. It just angers and surprises me that this issue is still getting so little attention. No one cares, they all say. This "depression is just a phase thing" is a thinking within the Asian community that really needs to change, like it is annoying for me. I just hope someone picks this up and it inspires anyone reading this to look out for your friends around you. I just hope to raise a lil bit of awareness around the world!
Owh, and for my relationship status, yes everything is still going well with me and Abigail! We don't skype as often as everyone thinks maybe cause the timing is really just not right, but we text each other everyday and you know, all is well! We love each other and we will see each other really soon! Love you if you are reading this Abby!! (Less than 3, (coding issues hard to put the real thing lol)
So, I shall end this post with some hope that my next semester will be much more smoother and everything can go my way xD Will wanna come home more often cause you know home is amazing and yeah, till next time peeps :)
Sunday, April 30, 2017
Anyway, quick update on life! Abigail and I have passed the 2 year mark. Yeah life won't be easy for the next few years but I am very convinced that we can break through for the next few years. As we know, there is no definite for our relationship in the future, since our paths don't converge unless we want them to. Sacrifices and compromises will be made, we will just have to work everything out. Don't worry, will try my best to get this going as far as it will. Hopefully till the end hehe xD. Also, doing the last rotation of Res 1 which is medicine! So far, 2 of my housemates have scored really well for this rotation and it kinda gives this unspoken pressure. I dunno, I kinda expect myself to do well if they do well, but I know I definitely have not worked as hard as they have (although they keep saying they don't study which is utter bs) I just come home so tired everyday that I am actually considering 7pm coffees. Will try them next week and will see how it goes haha! Hopefully I am tired enough to just like kaput at night.
Penang has been really different than Ireland. Like no joke. Things are much more intensive here, them tutorials, the useless MPU classes, the tough lectures where the slides don't really give the whole story. Owh and the never ending reminder from the lecturers that we are supposed to be well equipped with all the anatomy, pathology and all, All I can think of at this point was just like shit. I dunno anything! HAHA! The more time I spend in Penang the more I feel like the past 2.5 years was more like a holiday than anything. Sure some knowledge was gained but did they stick, or the 15 hour flight back burned all of them as plane fuel LOL. I dunno hopefully everything would be better? I definitely am working harder now that I am back partially cause like the reality hits you. The patients have expectations, the lecturers have expectations, the RCSI peeps have expectations. WOOHOO SO MUCH EXPECTATIONS TO FULFILL.ALL AROUND. I hope I can do as well as the others, but definitely I have a mountain to climb.
I think thats it for now, nothing much to add. Housemates are great, been some minor problems here and there but its all good. Everything is still amazing haha! Will update more when I can think of more things to write here, but for now I think this is about it. Definitely feels good to be back here :) If only abigail was back here with me, if only she was malaysian... HAHA!! That would make so many things much much much easier xD Alright see you peeps, love you to whoever is still reading this :)
Friday, November 4, 2016
I know its super short, but I'm sick and I dunno what to write for now, so yeah. love u guys, bb xD
Monday, August 1, 2016
Wednesday, June 22, 2016
Part of the reason I'm typing this blog is to make myself more familiar with the keyboard I'm having now. It certainly requires more effort to type, so it kinda sucks compared to my laptop, but owh well, can't choose now can I HAHA! Wish I had my laptop with me haiz... Wi-Fi is kinda restricted in this area along with close to no reception. We have a big lake which is shared with like 4 other camps (I think?) and it s really cooling to swim in the lake on a hot ass day. Met my bosses Bev, Kelly, Seamus, and Sparrow, all really wonderful people. First few days ehre have been spent cleaning up the office, trying to make it as functional and comfortable as possible. So hopefully everything pans out well before the first session. Staff training is in 2 days so I'm defo looking forward to that. Other than that, been looking at outlets around New York and hopefully I get to go these outlets to get stuff for me and my friends.
I haven't actually got my plans figured out for this blog post so random things might just appear out of nowhere cuz I'm literally just typing whatever comes to mind. Haha! First night here was absolutely freezing, so KB, a South African returnee who was really ncie to me, got me a sleeping bag from a mall nearby when he was on his off day. I was really touched by it haha! Seems like someone was watching over me and it was cool :) Other than that, been reading the books in the library. Some great series are here so I might be just stuffing my head in books all summer since the limited Wi-Fi, plus maybe learn a few things from the camp nurses while I'm here :D Heck, i even downloaded Robbin's Pathology online to try and do some reading in case I am ever too bored HAHA!
I guess thats all for now, love this place so far, busted a wheel on my luggage bag from moving it on a rocky terrain, other than that, all is well :D See u guys real soon hehe BAIIII <3 p="">
MISS EVERYONE LOADS ESPECIALLY MY FAMILY AND MY GF :D3>
Monday, June 6, 2016
First, we went for our post anniversary date haha! (It was postponed due to the unfortunate near exam date) We went the night we finished our papers to Talbot 101. A restaurant on Talbot Street which may be reservations only? Don't really know. We booked ahead and got a 3 course meal each for 25 euros haha! (got it off Groupon). To say the truth, I was kinda stuffed after the appetizer HAHAHA!! Partially cause we had like a huge ass bowl of spaghetti pesto for lunch with like a bunch of parmesan cheese. Guess what I had for the appetizer, cheese sample platter! HAHAHA! WTF! It was my first time tasting hummus and it was really delicious like no joke!! Had the steak for my main course which was quite brilliant, and chocolate lava cake for dinner. Spent almost 3 hours for dinner HAHA!! Then, went back to my place for Brendon's chill out dinner with half of the party knowing that I went out for my anniversary meal lol. The day after that I went to town for lunch with Brendon and joined Abby and Andrew to shop for a bit. We played Left 4 Dead at home for abit that night. The next day, Abby and I went to Dun Laoghaire after planning it since last semester HAHA! Tbh, that place was quite a letdown for me, there really wasn't anything great about that place and I would prefer Howth over it, but meh, its the company that counts hehe :D We walked on the pier, went for lunch in The Sunshine Cafe and went to scrumdiddlys for some diabetic ice cream and rocky road combo. HAHA! Didn't even finish it, we threw like a quarter of it away cuz it was simply too sweet. NOTE THAT WE SHARED THAT CUP AND SOME PEOPLE EVEN BOUGHT ONE EACH LIKE HOW DO U EVEN TAKE IN SO MUCH SWEETNESS LOLOL. We were almost late to the movie as we speed shopped in A&F for Cyrus and Cephas's gift. Made me kinda annoyed cuz I wanted her to put her family first and get their gifts instead of going to Dun Laoghaire with me, I dunno, made me feel guilty of some sort? meh. Anyway, we were almost late to the cinema just to find out that alot of people were late too LOL. After claiming them tickets I just left 3 of them at the ticket counter for Claire, Nic and Brendon (who was late cuz he was doing GNIB for the entire day). Civil War was quite good I guess, but couldn't really enjoy it well enough cuz guess who had a small stomach ache in the middle LOL. After that, Arisu with Brendon, Andrew and Abby. Helped Abby pack and spend the next day with her at her house before she flew off. Her taxi driver to the airport was Ghurmit Singh HAHAHA! LMFAO. Got alot of food from her lel. Miss her already haizzzz!
So now, I'm just chilling around till the day I fly to New York. For those who don't know, I'm spending my summer working in Camp Homeward Bound which is based in New York, about an hour plus from NYC. Will be there for about 2 month plus. Apparently this camp has near to no wifi LOL, so I'll only have wifi access once a week during my day off. Won't get to Skype my family or Abigail but owh well, sacrifices have to be made :/ Other than that, I have a housemate who seriously don't think things through, like how do you do these things before you think. He rented his room out for the summer, and without discussing with us beforehand. First there is the key problem which is kinda universal, and a stranger alone in OUR home with EVERYONE gone for the summer. Everyone's stuff is still in the common area and he doesn't even bother to ask us. He was just notifying us that he will be. Even though there were objections, he was still very hard-headed and went on with it. Fuck it. The rage inside me is boiling and has been ever since I heard about it. Thought he changed after the cleanliness issue, guess I was wrong, just a terrible housemate. End of story. Terrible.
Owh well, can't control the world, just gonna chill and will be out of here soon in 9 days. Kinda fast actually, excited definitely! HAHA! Till next time guys, love y'all <3 p="">3>
Tuesday, March 22, 2016
Hey peeps! Blogging on the megabus from Manchester to London hehe 😜 I was promised WiFi but obviously I've been let down so here I am offline blogging not knowing when I'm gonna post this up, probably after dinner haha!! So super quick update on me, M night is over, everything went well, and because my blogger is connected I don't even remember if I did a post on M night lel. Zhi Jie and Cecelia were still shocked that I was the junior director for my Mnight. Definitely proud of it but not really at the same time. Proud because we managed to salvage the show from impending doom, lol but cause the show ain't fully mine, meh..
Owh and thank goodness I have my iPod with me for offline music. I swear the songs in my ipod are like super great for thinking back at old times. Its like almost every song in there brings me back to like a time where I was young and singing it with someone or while doing something special. I wouldn't load them into my Spotify playlist cause I want them to stay special hehe. I'll eventually hate a lot of the songs in there because Spotify
likes to play those few songs only lol.. even though I have like 1.2k songs in there 😒
Anyway, Abigail is in France with them other Singaporeans and I just finished the Manchester leg of my UK trip. Manchester as a city was quite disappointing I have to say. Of course for this trip I did almost no research and it was all up to Zhi Jie and Cecelia lel. There was nothing much to see other than old Trafford. I didn't made it to Etihad stadium but couldn't really care less actually hahaha. What bugs me is that I've been to Anfield and Old Trafford but not inside, cause I missed the tour for both. Quite annoying if you think about it, but at least I've been there and I really really hope to come back to the UK and watch an EPL match or better a Champions League fixture. I also met with Kai Qian and Ze Nian and few minutes with Zhen Wei, so all of that was great. This trip has been quite hectic transportation wise. Almost missed my flight to Manchester but made it at a terrible cost, and almost missed this bus, but made it with my lungs trying to claw their way out of my ribs lel. I really hope everything can be smoother from now on haha. Missed the chance to go pray in Manchester's 佛光山 but I will be back, I hope haha!!
All in all, I'm great! Really really need to start studying the moment I get back from London. Don't really have much time left and don't wanna result in last minute crammings again like urgh. Library dates gonna be up soon hehe.. Till next time peeps!! (^.^)😁😁
Wednesday, February 24, 2016
So it all started on Tuesday where we were constructing the stage. Apparently someone gave an order to move the stage forward by 50cm, and that was quite a big change. After setting everything up, we just practiced on the stage like nothing. But when they pulled the seats out on Thursday, apparently the measurements were abit off so we were now violating UCD's safety rules? I mean we had to fit at least a wheelchair in between the audience seats and the stage. We kinda screwed up on that part. Oh well, at least the music team has more space than last year HAHA! So after much much discussion with some UCD staff, and 5000 remeasurements, we got a green light. It was a big relief as if we were given a red light instead, we would have to spend ALOT of time to reconstruct the stage, the lights, the sound system and all. It wouldn't have been great.
Other than that, it was quite a hectic week as I had to run full runs and then there was a drama like 2 days before M Night which I'm not gonna write here because its just too obvious and all like urgh. Worked with Andrew alot that week. It was really tiring to juggle Producer, Sketch Director and Vocal Director in one go. Like I was needed everywhere which really really irked me. I think the one I managed the poorest would be Vocal Director... Other than the soloists, I couldn't really teach the choir and made them to produce the voice I wanted. So I have to say I'm sorry for that. But looking back at the entire M Night process. I seriously doubt I could do any more than that. I cried a few times because of this, I just felt so pressured to please everyone seeing that I'm not the most senior in this production. People probably think I'm weak and all but I seriously couldn't give 2 flying fucks anymore. There was so much pressure coming from everywhere, about the performance, the publicity, the budget, etc.. It was just too much. But luckily everything was over.
This paragraph is definitely for Andrew Lee Ban Keong. Even though I treat this guy like real crap sometimes, he will still be there and I still can't believe we actually managed to go through the entire lighting for the whole show. No one else could have done what he did setting the lights to what I want and all, plus his valuable input and all. Seriously this guy deserves a medal for the stuff he has done for M night. I can only do so much for the acting team, and it was really down to his lights that made the whole show bloody fantastic. So sorry that I forgot to mention your name at the final speech. I was nervous and all, and names were flying in my mind and I just grabbed on to whomever I could see. But you know I love you bro in a no homo way. The way we worked through this, we should get along way way finer than anything else. Cheers bro :D
And then there is also Koshy, who was there emotionally for me, and did most of the background stuff for me. Although sometimes he won't be at his position, which is a fairbit annoying, I still feel that he is there for me when I need him to. So seriously thank you so much Koshy and thanks for your shoulder. The more I write, the more this whole post is going into homo region LOL.
So.. Let's bring it back to M night and the final moment where Abigail took the flower out for me. That's when I knew that kissing her (forehead) was the right thing to do. She was there for me emotionally and I could feel that she was proud of me. That was all I needed. And she looked really nice that night HAHA!! Owh well..
Conclusion wise, Kisho, Andrew and me. Without any of us MNight 2016 wouldn't have happened. Now, to go back and try to study, but gonna fail miserably haha! Cheers bois :D
Wednesday, January 6, 2016
Sunday, January 3, 2016
Im typing this for the second time cuz blogger app decides that it just wanna delete everything I wrote, thanks blogger. 😒
As the title suggests, this is most likely not going to be a happy post.. Ever since that 5 turned into a 6, I really haven't been feeling all that great.. To say the truth, I am actually quite sad, I feel sad. This depressing feeling has been in me since day 1 of 2016. I know it has only been like 1.5 days since the start of 2016, and its too early to tell that this year is going to suck. But for some reason, I feel depressed and I really just wanna break down and cry. It won't happen tho becux the tears just won't fall out long enough to that point that I still feel shitty. Been trying to smile more but obviously its just to mask my freaking sad little kid inside.
Oh you wanna know why I'm sad? Well do tell me when you find out, cuz I would really love to find out too... Is it because I spent new years eve on my own(ish) and did literally nothing? Don't think so.. NYE was never a day that I really super duper cared about anyway so it didn't really seem like it was something big. Plus, I hardly did anything after exams so the days just kinda blur by and NYE just seemed to go by just like that.. Is it because MNight is slowly creeping in? Probably.. I've been trying to stay away from this topic entire winter but it never worked. Somehow the topic just keeps creeping back into my mind. Either someone else brings it up or it just decides to give a surprise visit.. I hate this show. I really hate it. Its not my idea and truthfully everything is just so out of place that its really frustrating. I only have 2 weeks to try and make it work.. Its not my production but it will be me in the end to get judged for it. It breaks me, it angers me, it depresses me, it lowers my self esteem most of all.. I bet si ming didnt feel any of this, because the production had great value and also it was hers, hers to take pride from. I hate it so much, but I'll definitely give my best, I promise... Is it because of exams? Minor probabilities.. I've been wondering bout my MED paper and hopefully everything will pull thru.. Is it because Abby ain't by my side? Probably.. I feel alone also for some reason.. But long distance is something that I will have to work through when our relationship advances.. So I'll really try my best to make it work.. I miss her a lot already actually.. Abby, if u reading this, know that none of this is ur fault k? ☺Is it because of homesick? Probably too.. I don't really feel homesick, but when ur self esteem is so low, anything is possible.. So I really don't know, I really really don't know..
All I want right now is be hugged by someone I love so tight that all the air will be squeezed out.. And them telling me that everything will be OK.. Probably not gonna happen for a while.. I'll most kindly break down in their arms and it will definitely make me feel better.. Hopefully this feeling goes away after a week or so.. I need a break, I really need one..
All in all,
Happy new year guys
And may the odds be ever in your favour!
Stay happy guys 😀
Tuesday, December 29, 2015
Haven't been updating my blog nowadays and now I have to say busy as a reason just ain't gonna be enough to cut it anymore! Sometimes, you really need these feeling to write a blog post and most of the time I just don't feel it anymore. Maybe I am just too busy playing dota, cramming for exams, or spending time with friends/gf. There is just so many things that are distracting me from writing a complete blog post. Like now for instance, I have to type this post at freaking 2am and its nearly 3am. This is the time when I have absolute alone time and these feelings just come. Right, now back to business. Blink of an eye and its already 3 semesters into medical school. Only 2 semesters left in Dublin and then everything is going to change again. Part of me is seriously wishing for time to go slower and part of me wants it to speed up. It seriously is a bittersweet thing that I can't make up my mind to how to react to it. Seeing all my seniors leave now 1 by 1, you seriously can't run away from the thought of urself leaving in a year. You tell yourself you still have a year and you urself know that 1 yar can pass by just like that. Seriously no joke. Time can play tricks with you. Lets try to look back in the year first.
Highlights would definitely include my first Malaysian Night in February where I acted as Sebastian in the Little Duyung. The response I got was tremendous and it opened some doors for me as well! The feeling of being in a production again was really great and the days leading up to it were ever so tiring but yet so magical. I would relive those moments again and again! Some would say i will feel the same with next year's M night. Can't say so tho. I am directing the M night next year but my heart is really not fully into it. I can't direct something that was just thrown to me and the whole thing was not my idea at all. I was just meant to oversee it on someone else's behalf. I'm not saying it will suck, I'm just saying its not up to my liking and hopefully everything goes smoothly when the time comes, 船到桥头自然直! I really really need some help after that m night for the heart attacks I'm going to get during that time LOLOL. After that would definitely when I got together with my gf, Abigail haha! Things are going strong and I miss her alot seriously! Hope we have a great year ahead la hehe
Thursday, November 5, 2015
I know I'm super lucky to be able to study here in Dublin, and being so far away from home. This is partially why I know I should be doing better than what I'm doing so far. Like come on, I may have taken more things than I can chew. Who knew that this semester would be so taxing with all the assessments and the dissections. Its going to be one more month before my exam arrives, and I really should get my shit together seriously. Less dota and less time wasting. Although I have to say some lecturers IMO are below par. Take the one from Disease Mechanisms, the lecturer speaks so fast and there is so much information in it that it is nearly impossible to put everything down into ur notes. Like wtf. How am I gonna do well in this module. Like what my senior said, this semester is going to be hard to study but easy to pass due to all the assessments, I will really try. Passing wouldn't be a problem i guess but passing just doesn't seem to be doing my parent's money or investment in me any justice, so I'll definitely try to get the most of my time here. On a side note, the seniors are only having 2 more months here and I'll have to wait another year till I see all of them again :( Will really miss them alot becuz so many of them will be going back and we aren't that close to the juniors these years yet to feel that close yet. Basically, there will be a hole in our lives, I will definitely miss them alot.
Well that's about it for this post, more like a rant than anything, after typing this, I do feel way better, no joke. So hopefully I will do better than! Cheers :D
Sunday, October 4, 2015
So, now to my birthday celebration. As you guys knew, last year's birthday celebration was just quite lonely apart from my Belgrove housemates who helped me celebrate with that brilliant chocolate cake. So this year was very different as I actually knew a whole bunch of people within the last 9 years, plus I have a loving girlfriend! My birthday fell under orientation week, but luckily there wasn't much to do on that day itself. The day started with me waking up and Brendon and Kisho got me (diabetic) cupcakes. They also showed me a video from The Singaholics plus a special video by my Bali roommate Joshua xD That video was actually arranged by Abigail and them with the help from Ren Jie haha! Just read the message between Abby and Ren Jie and it was pretty hilarious xD After that, there were birthday songs from the juniors, from the Merville juniors first, then the Belgrove juniors who were right in time to start it up again LOLOL! Everything was great xD After that, nothing much went on cause I was already pretty tired that day due to the past few days... But September 4th is the city tour for the juniors and it was a really busy day xD In the end, the day ended with a Jimmy Chung dinner xD I was already suspecting why they wanted me to go so badly as I decided not to to save money, but then they said they would pay for me so I was like eh wat the heck haha! There was a birthday cake slice and everything. Reminded me so much of Alex's celebration last time haha! Everything was great :D Abby also wrote me a special letter which I won't disclose whats inside hehe :D
For now, this will be it.. but the Slieve League hike was great and I will tell more about that later, and also the S&M's first LAN experience hehe.. Until next time, love you guys and see ya real soon :D
Monday, August 17, 2015
So for now, its gonna be goodbye and the next time I post, should be about me going back to Dubs already, love all you readers so much. Cheers! Sorry for the long long post anyway hahaha xD
Monday, July 20, 2015
Firstly, CHAPTER 2: GOING BEYOND is officially over! Congrats to everyone involved! This was seriously harder to do than in Chapter 1 majorly because of the time that was spent on this project. There really wasnt much time put into it and when that day finally arrived, truthfully I personally felt that we were pretty unprepared. I had to prepare the emcee script the night before the concert and a lot of thing weren't set in stone yet. Real serious last minute skillz. For that I really need to apologize because I personally thought there was a big difference between Friday and Saturday's show. Saturday's one was much more well prepared and I enjoyed it more along with Ren Jie's surprise to us haha! We had a full house on Saturday! There was my family, Kisho and Brendon, Alex and Rachel! Ahhh soo many people haha! Good thing is now all that is over, we can focus on our Bali competition which is only a few weeks away! Yesterday Jia Zheng came into our practice session and taught us really valuable stuff and its pretty legit so hopefully we get to sing better from this haha!! Can't wait till Bali actually :)
So updates on my Dublin life. I actually have found a home (50% getting it already so don't jinx it)! I am going to stay with Jibraan, Rickie, Jared, Kisho and Brendon. Here is the thing, this is why I'm counting down. On the positive side, yes I do miss my girlfriend a lot. Oh wait pause, did I not mention I have a gf? xD Ok her name is Abigail and she is from Singapore, end of story. That, and I can't wait to get my academic year started, like seriously. My current mood is super pumped up to learn more stuff. I know this feeling will fade away sooner or later, but lets just keep it as it is right now first aite HAHA!! Not just that, can't wait to see my Dublin friends again. Sure there aren't that many and sooner or later I will say that I see them until wanna puke ad, haha but now definitely want la haha! Lets not forget the chillin weather in Dublin haha! Its so hot back here I can melt to death T.T
Of course there is the flip side. One thing would definitely be money. Once I get back there, my expenses would be high and life would be miserable once I think about it. Heck, even when i think of it now I'm freaking depressed :( Seriously why can't everything be cheaper and why does the MYR have to go down until its shite. Sien. I still have to buy a sofa bed cuz somehow I got stuck with the room that initially was the only cheapest room. Now that room is the similar price as a single bed room and they don't need to buy beds z. Good thing the Jar of Grills have mentioned about splitting the cost of the bed with me so im seriously hoping it wont be too expensive that I will actually cry T.T Worse come to worst I sleep on mattresses :( Next, would be a freakishly busy year from all the M night stuff and all that. Maybe I'll even squeeze in a small job just to have some extra money to spend. Who knows? :) Hopefully I don't get too tired la *fingers crossed*
For now let me just enjoy my life and next week is my Bali competition already!! Hopefully everything will be smooth sailing and I really cannot wait to hear all the great music yeah... OWH AND IM GONNA HAVE A NEW PHONE MUAHAHAHA CANT WAIT RAWR XD Thats it for now! Cheers guys :)
Friday, June 5, 2015
Firstly, went back to choir and all!! Great feeling to meet some of the juniors and my fellow sampat choir friends. Although I only fully met ALL of them during Ren Jie's proposal towards Verone haha. That is one of the highlights of my return hehe!! Cece, Zhi Jie, Ting Jia also haven't come back to witness this moment MUAHAHAHA!! Nice to see their relationship finally going on to the next level le hehe.. but is sooner or later de la haha! Now is just to wait for their wedding and first born nia MUAHAHAHA!! Ok... overuse of muahahaha within this first paragraph.
Secondly, already met up with the bimbo Shane who lives so bloody near me that its retarded lol.. Had a great 3 hour chat in Doi Chaang Coffee while sharing life stories from the last 9 months haha!! Good times.. then strolled around taipan while getting ourselves blue coned ice creams from mcDonalds. IT WAS BLUE CONED OMG! Was hoping for blueberry flavor or something but was let down. Sien. Then Shane had to crack a joke saying the ice creams were cold so the cones got blue. Sakai laughing at her own joke the entire way back to her house. GENIUS! xD
Nothing much really changed back here except for the new BRT and soon-to-be LRT and stuff. Public transport still crap but I just need to live with it sometimes, Food price and all, everything went up, Ringgit getting shittier and shittier by the day. Oh well, welcome back to Malaysia xD
Sunday, May 17, 2015
Good thing is.. now EXAMS ARE OVERR!!! Finally I don't have to deal with bullshit modules for another 3 months or so. As I am typing this, I will be on board a plane back to Malaysia in 2 hours or so hehehe... Back to the land of mamaks and good food. And my familyyyyy gahhhh!! Dublin has been really kind to me for these 9 months. Moving out of the campus residence was a pain in the ass as I don't have my own place to call home when I come home YET. Hopefully that will change soon *fingers crossed*. Exams wise, I think I did ok considering the fact that I hardly studied at all HAHA!! Life is hard.. Another one to cross fingers for xD This 3 months break will be surely appreciated.
Now I am the junior producer for next year's Malaysian Night as there was a change in agreement between PMC and UCD on the returning dates of Stage 4 students (now students have to go back to PMC by December, bummer.) I'd be lying to you if I said I wasn't stressed out by this LOL.. Getting sketch director in the first place is bad enough as I've only directed one play before and that was in freakin 2010. Looking back at the video of that play, it was hilarious laa HAHA!! Plans are on the way and looks like I'll be a busy bee when I get back to Dublin next semester... Hmm..
Truth to be told, Asian food is the best already. Its something that you won't get sick off. Maybe its a bias opinion as I am an Asian myself, but to whoever travelling overseas.. treat ur Asian food well.. HAHA!! Plans for the summer include finding and indulge in any Asian food there is hehe.. EVERYTHING WILL BE CONSUMED RAWR! Of course my plans for this summer include work out, work (hopefully get one), choir (thank goodness I'M COMING BACK RAWR), and basically spending time with my family which I've missed so much..
Dublin has given me so many things (including a surprise in my life xD) and its time to put all that on a hold while I go back to Malaysia for a well deserved (sort-of) break haha!! This post is gonna be quite short as I don't think I have loads to add! Anddd the gate is open.. SO SEE YOU GUYS REAL SOON <3 cheers="" font="">3>